Goodness what a horribly painful night...not quite sure why...just a ton of sadness in me today/tonight. I had both boys with me today - which was wonderful - took them to a movie and then played in a park with them. Just had a wonderful time - but there was just something so heartbreaking in the day - seeing so many families out - so many couples preparing for the holidays...missing my wife so much more than I want to - know that she's too harmful, too dark and too unhealthy to be with - and yet I so long for the happy times - the smiles - the companionship.
Okay...taking a long, deep breath now...I am not going to sit here and crumble..I am going to turn off the computer, turn of the TV and call a friend. I need to get out of this head space...and I need to remember who I am...
