I screwed up again

[AnotherNightmare]

Hi Beth,

I have been reading up on your situation, certainly different, but somehow the same. You have been doing great. You are very strong, even though you may not think of yourself that way all the time. BTW, if you need to know anything about running, I can help you out. I had planned a marathon for tomorrow, but had to cancel due to an injury. I am not sure I would have had the mental strength and endurance for the race right now, but the injury held me back anyway. I do want to do a very easy few miles tomorrow to see how the injury feels.

My day has been almost entirely positive. No R talk whatsoever, and I can see that her brain is working on this. She gave me a few looks today as though she was asking why I was not doing what she expected me to do (to beg, to talk R, to bash OM etc). I just kept quiet and spent the entire day with the kids. I bought a couple of books for them. They wanted to buy their mom a Christmas present. Even though it hurt, I of course helped them with a few ideas. Then I bought a new computer mouse, because hers broke during the week and she simply took mine from my work laptop. I am sure she expected me to blow up about this, but again nothing.
Just a little venting. She tried to install it herself and did not recognize the connector right away. So she said reproachfully "it does not fit". That she never said thank you goes without saying. She has that twisted way of thinking that this was what I had to do, if I wanted mine back. Well, I helped anyway without showing any emotion at all (at least I think I was pretty successful at that).
The other little change I have noticed. When I started getting the kids ready for bed, she was there right from the beginning. Usually she shows up when they are pretty much ready for the bedtime story. Maybe she is afraid of getting detached from them, because she really does not care what they are doing during the day when I am home.
Maybe I am reading too much into this, but I feel she loses her coolness just a little bit and gets a little nervous, because I am different than she expected me to be. I am sure the setback will come, but right now I feel quite upbeat.

Techguy, thank you for your input as well. I feel like I am learning a lot, and your comments are truly appreciated. I like what you said about self-control. I actually practice that particularly with my kids. My W keeps yelling at them even though she just went through a parenting seminar. I used to do that, too, even though by far not as often. I have been able to stop that completely, and it has already changed their behavior towards me. If this is the only thing I am getting out of this, then I am already a better father.

I am thinking of a few more questions about the MC session, but it is late and I am getting tired. So that will have to wait until tomorrow.

AN