Lan, Looks like you're progressing with W. Have you tried to have a heart-to-heart talk with her about what she needs in the sex department? Like the 5:30am special? That way she's more likely to give you what you need. I know its tough to do this and I'm not sure I could do it myself. But given this is a big area of frustration for you it may be worth the risk.
We're all grown people so I'll let you know where we are without putting out too much detail. Last night and previous nights W is quite happy for us to go to bed together snuggle in the spoon position and go to sleep, it quite obvious that I'm aroused and wide awake and that doesn't bother her. (9 months ago she would jump out of the bed if I pressed ant thing against her). I'm not prevented from going north or south but she not taking any part in giving or taking pleasure. On the couple of occasions in the morning when she been in the mood I haven't really cos I've resorted to taking some relief in the shower the previous evening hence I wake up with nothing in the tank. I hope that clears up any confusion. (No shame for me in that just a bit of embarrassment typing it out now).
Fb2 (really appreciate you stopping by) Since I mention to W that we need to talk about sex she's avoided all talk in that area, that's how she's always been. I knew she would be like that and anyway I can't force her to talk so not sure what to apart from keep moving forward as we are. W and I have been together 15 year and I still don't know what her think is. I kinda know what the thing was with OM, W traded down a good few levels and it was just sex with a dirty, skanky, tramp where there was going to be no long term commitment (this is my assessment). If W is silently crying out for me to do this, or do that, or meet some needs in the sex department she is not giving any clues, so me as a DAM, Advanced DAM back to DAM I have NFC. So I'll keep taking things as slow as I can without becoming a pest and see where we go.
Lan, One advice for you:keep the tanks full at all times. K
Seriously: One way or the other,sooner or later SEX must be discussed with her. Unless you are only venting here it seems that it affects you a lot. Maybe not the time yet but you know you will have to.
"One advice for you:keep the tanks full at all times". Obvious statement, but easier said than done.
Seriously: "One way or the other,sooner or later SEX must be discussed with her. Unless you are only venting here it seems that it affects you a lot. Maybe not the time yet but you know you will have to". Yes W and I will need to talk and now is probably not the time. Whenever I have tried to broach this subject in the past, her responses have been very defensive, things like..
"Is that all you ever think about....."
"Yes we need to talk" (then we never talk)
However I'm jut thinking there probably needs to be more actions than words so I'm gonna start reading stuff in the SSM forum for some inspiration.
<< "One advice for you:keep the tanks full at all times". << Obvious statement, but easier said than done. How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
Plan of Action: Does she feel your genuine affection for her everyday? Would you be able to think of the "Little Man" as primarily for W's pleasure? Lan, seriously we are all amateurs here on this board. You may need professional advice on this. What you have in your favor is you are a patient guy.
<<How do you get to Carnegie Hall?>> Sorry I didnt get this one.
<<Does she feel your genuine affection for her everyday?>> I would say yes, and W has no problem in expressing affection towards me.
<< Would you be able to think of the "Little Man" as primarily for W's pleasure?>>That's how I've always thought of him, too be honest I've always thought of my role to provide pleasure for W. But she doesn't seem to show much interest in him, specifically looking or touching. However one disturbing picture I saw when I was in snooping phase was W with a picture of OM's not so little man.
<<Lan, seriously we are all amateurs here on this board. You may need professional advice on this>>. This is tough cos to get professional help you have to talk, W doesn't seem to want to talk about us or talk to anyone about us. She seems to think that these things fix themselves. However there was one time when she did say she thought we should see a sex therapist, cos she couldn't bear for me to touch her, but hat was at the time she was letting OM touch her, so I don't know if this was a genuine comment or just alien BS to placate me for a while. As I type now I do think more and more that we do need professional help in this area.
<<What you have in your favor is you are a patient guy>>. Well I married "for better or for worse"
My fear is that we don't practice enough and haven't done so in all the time we've been married, and that is a serious point I make. See now we haven't ML for a while, I can't remember when, and the next time it does happen for us, it will be sprung on me with no warning, and it will all be over in 5 seconds or it won't happen at all, as on the last 2 occasions. A lot of women will tip their H the wink, give a knowing smile, or a stroke of the arm then they know it's on, I get nothing. No warning or no sex....... great :(.
In saying all of that this weekend been good, Saturday MIL came round so she and W had a good ole chat, somthing they haven't done for awhile cos FIL normally butts in and clowns around. I had a long session at the gym, then a long soak in the bath, D7 is more relaxed around the house since we got it more in order so she happy. Saturday night W and I were in bed with popcorn and wine watching TV, at lights out she spoons into me and falls asleep. It takes me a while to fall asleep cos I'm left a bit frustrated.
So I will talk to W soon but not yet cos this weekend still has a friendly feel to it, so I won't break that by trying to force some serious talk.
Lan, I have never been in your wife's shoes, all my life I have been in your shoes (I think) so I dont know what is the right way to aproach such a discussion, especially since your wife seems to have a very defensive attitude towards this. Granted you mentioned a medical condition I hope the drugs dont kill her libido. But whatever you say IMO should be along the lines "wife, I miss ML to you because that's the another way for me expressing my love, I feel closer to you when we do, I love your body and you and it's a pity we dont do that often. I hope you still find me attractive and I would love to expand our "repertoire" in this field etc etc ". You know my English is hairy but what I am trying to point out is not go off telling her your "needs" are not being met because I dont think she would like that kind of talk... Just my 2 cents (or less) Love K
