Still Learning

[Tawnya]

HOORAY...yeah..I SHOULD have grabbed one of the comic type books, like I love Calvin and Hobbes or Peanuts or Garfield and you know they have like the big ones of those..those are great for quick reads or something like that

Definitely give yourself a break..because YOU spending 5 days of serious worrying will make ME worry about you too (grin) ..and it's not healthy for you..so you MUST find something that makes you laugh tomorrow..

Tawnya

[kelaaron]

Beth,

I know exactly what you are feeling. It is hard and sad. And a whole bunch of other stuff. The day I got a book that wasn't related to M, MLC, Depression, was like I got my life back. Very strange, but once I took the step to do nothing but enjoy, I have found it is easier to actually enjoy. I have finally even caught up on all my shows on the TIVO.

Good days and bad days are to be expected, but you just keep plugging. And reading a steamy romance or even someting you always wanted to learn about while under the covers eating popcorn is still GAL.

[VeronicaV]

Tawnya and Kelaaron,

I forgot to mention I picked up people magazine today b/c it is the sexiest man issue. I am mad!!!! My beloved Christian Bale is not this year's winner? WTF??? Hugh Jackman??? Really??? Have these editors not seen American Psycho? Seriously sick movie but man oh man is CB splendid.

I am a big big big Calvin and Hobbes fan, big!

Thanks for the thoughts, ladies. It always helps hearing fom you. Gives me perspective and helps keep me on my path.

[Tawnya]

{{{Beth}}} So we are Calvin and Hobbes sisters LOL LOVE that comic..so there you go..they have BIG books of them at B&N!

I hope your day is good..come back on here later and lemme know what you did

Tawnya

[VeronicaV]

Tawnya, thanks for the pep talk. I will get myself out of here today.

I realized another reason for my melancholy, it just came to me last night: H and I would be in Quebec right now for our annual Thanksgiving trip. We have gone each year since we purchased the condo and we always left for the trip the weekend before Thanksgiving. This is really hard for me.

It also occurred to me that H will probably avoid me like the plague until after Thanksgiving for much the same reason. It was so funny when he told me he had too much work to go there (he had planned on going alone). We both knew he was lying (he can easily work from there). There is no way he has the emotional strength to face the ghosts of our relationship that haunt that place.

I am the one living with the ghosts and getting stronger and stronger. He has the new place to live, the new furniture the new silverware the new everything. The old Beth would have called him on his excuse and scrapped for a fight about it. The new Beth just let him have the peace and quiet he seems so desperate to have by accepting his reason for not going.

I found out he'll be spending Thanksgiving with a friend and this has eased my mind enormously. Now that I know he has depression, I was so worried about his being alone.

So, today I must try my best to focus on me, to make myself leave the house, to run, to read for me - not for H or the R -.

I must admit I have still not been able to have fun. I cannot get rid of the heaviness in my heart. The best I seem to be able to do is distract myself for a very little while, but fun is still elusive.

Any suggestions?

[nw626]

Beth
K and T suggestion is good. Read the books on other subjects rather than just on the M and R stuff.
We need to focus on other part of our lives that is not in turmoil.
Are there any activities that you have not done for a long long time? I mean way before you are married...!!
The heaviness of your heart won't go away completely, but you must give it times.
How about your T-day plan?
You are doing good....keep it up.

NW626

[VeronicaV]

NW626,

Thanks for checking in on me. You are right. I need to give myself a break. I am feeling pretty emotionally exhausted today.

How are you doing?

Beth

[Tawnya]

{{{{Beth}}}} Still waiting to hear what you did today..here's my day..not so much GAL'ing but still a productive day:

1) Went to a new church (that WAS GAL'ing LOL)
2) Went about 30 minutes away to pick up a drum set for my son for a Christmas present (gotta love craigs list)
3) Went to the store to exchange a few things we got the other night at Walmart that were the wrong size for our heater
4) Went to do my weekly cleaning (I Have a building I clean)
5) Came home and actually MADE dinner (chicken pie with potatoes and green beans)
6) Colored my hair (and then got hair dye all over my carpet, so I'm mildly freaking out because I can't get it out..LOL..but..worse case scenario, I'll go get a fabric marker tomorrow and fix it up..gotta wait and see how it looks after it dries..argh..LOL..oh well..AND, in case you are curious, I didn't dye it any crazy color, just was tired of seeing those curious little gray hairs popping up

OK..so..now that I've spent an hour GAL'ing by madly trying to clean up my bathroom to very little avail (I think LOL)..I am ready for a break and to hear about your day

Tawnya

[VeronicaV]

Tawnya,

You are too funny. Thanks for checking. I had a good workout and went to Barnes & Noble to read. Got sucked into another book on depression. Did laundry and posted a lot on the boards today.

That's about it. I probably deserve a bit of scolding. Now, I am watching the movie, Love Actually. I love that movie. I am an anglophile (as well as a francophile - bit of an oxymoron, I know). Love Alan Richman, Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, there lovely accents, London. Love it all.

It is a bit of taboo-busting for me, too. Reminds me of H a bit what w/ traveling through Europe so much with him. I am on a mission to get the "us" taboo out of all sorts of things. You know, go places alone that we used to go together so when I think about it I can say, "The last time I went to XYZ, it was alone," rather than with H. Make sense? Maybe I'm just masochistic.

So what color did you dye your hair?

[Tawnya]

Nah..no scolding..at least you GOT out there and worked out too..I tell ya tho..Calvin and Hobbes would be good

Good for you with the taboo busting..it's a good idea really..funny..we sort of did that last night, we went to Chili's where, the last time I was there, it was just hub and I, about a week before the "bomb" when he told me he wasn't happy in general, not about our marriage..I guess prepping me for the "for real bomb"..so it was nice to go there with son and hub and have a good meal..

My hair is the same color..medium/dark brown..I just didn't feel like going to pay $75 to have it colored right now..cause I really don't want it cut...and some of my "grays and lighter brown" had started to come back, so now it's mostly dark brown again..along with the floor partially spotty brown (argh)!

Where is Martha Stewart when you need her?

Tawnya