New Me - Will WAW ever notice?

[Kakatal]

Looked up daycare insurance on internet - found company w used before - stipulation is that you have to be licensed to get a policy but only costs $300.

W showed up at 12:20 to pick up kids - knocks at front door instead of coming through garage. Cut & dry - are the kids ready to go? I ask that I thought she was working - she is not today. Get kids & get their shoes on. I get copy of policy application & show w that only costs $300 but you have to be licensed. W says that she doesn't have time to wait to get licensed - 2-3 months. W starts going off about money again - how I have all the opportunity since I have the house, a job and she doesn't. How she should have fought harder at beginning to get some of the tax refund money instead of allowing it to be used to pay off credit card debt - could be using that money to live right now. Long rant that ends with her just saying I was never going to allow her to watch kids at house again - just using insurance as an excuse. I ask her if I allowed her to watch kids would she work towards getting her license again & insurance, figuring it may take 2-3 months for it to happen. W accuses me of changing midstream since she is mad. I say that is not true, that I went out of my way to find this information on insurance, that I am now using that information to propose a way for this to work out for you & you want to blame me for not making it easy.

W asked if I had ever gone to a lawyer. No, I did not have any issue with our mediated agreement so no need. Says that she can go get alimony - I tell her that she waived it in the mediated agreement. W claims that neither of us signed a notarized copy of that agreement so it is meaningless. [I tend to believe her on this - she would have checked before making such a statement] So I ask her if she is basically blackmailing me to agree to allow her to watch kids. W says that is how i did things in past with her - held it over her head until she caved.

Kept talking in front of our house, kids were getting in & out of her car. Asked her if she would come back in house to continue talking & allow kids to play inside. W didn't feel that there was anything to talk about, that what she wanted to say would piss me off, etc. I said that I wanted to hear what she had to say. W agreed & we go out back porch to sit on swing & talk. I face wife & look her in eyes almost the entire exchange.

W starts off saying that she doesn't want to talk about her feelings since I always come back with something where I say I see what you are pointing out, that I have changed & if you were to come back you would see these changes. She just wanted me to listen. I assured her that I would not say anything about R or M or changes; that all I wanted was to understand her & would listen.

W starts on long talk about money - how she cannot pay her bills, all her money is gone, should have gotten some out of me, etc. I just listened. I asked a few clarifying questions but for the most part just agreed with her.

Turned into a 2.5 hr discussion about money, how things haven't worked out for her way she thought they would, how she didn't realize how much she needs money, how unhappy she is about her financial situation - it is dominating her thoughts, making her miserable around kids, etc.

W badgered me about my spending - new clothes, weights, taking kids all over CA, wasting the tax return money to enjoy my life. I spelled out for her how 75% of that money (10k) was used to pay property taxes, insurance, unpaid bills she left & credit cards. Rest has been used to survive.

3 times she started talking about what she wanted, always prefacing it with I know you are going to get mad/hurt/angry if I tell you how I feel. Only twice did I fail keep a straight face - once was where she said someone in her family thought that she should be the one with the house & kids - that I should be the one who was forced to move out. I felt the need to point out that she is the one who had decided to divorce me, why should I be forced to leave?

W then added that she has urge to just drive away, leave. Feels trapped now because of money issues. Was trapped before, now still trapped - wants to escape. I told her that I was partly responsible for her feelings of being trapped before but do not feel any responsibility for her feelings now. Told her she was free to do as she pleased.

W wants to be free, no responsibilities. Told her that most people feel that way but life just doesn't work like that.
Ask her if she regrets having kids. W says she doesn't want to say something that is going to come back up in court. I assure her I just wanted to know what she thought. W says she loves kids but should have done more reading, self awareness, to see if she was really cut out to deal with kids - wasn't aware how hard they are.

As conversation was concluding, w got all mad again. I asked her what was wrong - she just said that nothing has been solved - she still has her issues and is unhappy. Told her I understood. Then w went back to cut & dry approach, collected kids & said she will bring kids back at 8:30.

I am proud of myself - I did a great job of just sitting & listening to her. When I tried to talk & she cut me off, pointed out to her that I expected her to just listen the same way I was for her - she FINALLY started to let me finish talking, then had to add smart alec comments & facial stuff like - see, you asked me to listen so I am not voicing my disagreement with what you just said, etc. Just chuckled inside at how childish she was acting but was glad she did in fact listen.

Best I can do remembering that entire talk. Never brought up the daycare offer I made. For someone who is so desperate for money you figure that would have been mentioned. One thing I so wanted to ask her was why OM isn't giving her money?