Oh Naej, I had to jump in here cause your words ring so true. I've read so much during everything I went through and have seen so many types of situations here that no matter what, a spouse just doesn't necessarily come back. Nor is it really true that the OP is just a bandaid to cover their wounds.
We all want hope in the beginning our Ms will reconcile, but both spouses have so much work to do they often come out the other end as new people. I sure did. I think some of the hope that needs to be spread is no matter whether your M survives or ends in a divorce you will be happy and whole again. A spouse leaving or marital difficulty is definitely up there on the trauma and stress scales but we need to let others know they do recover and go on to have good lives. Focusing energy on the OP just sucks the life out of a person!!
