Sophie, Your h isn't actually focusing on his issues because he's still interacting w/you, i.e., kids, etc. That's fine, but you have to remember, the divorce is what is driving his train right now and until he steps over the finish line of divorcing you, he's going to be focusing more on it and not on working on himself. It takes about 6 months after a divorce before they really begin to realize that you and the relationship were not the problem. Some will never admit that they are the ones that screwed up...they will be the ones that walk away and never look back.
As for Thanksgiving, put the invite out there and let him decide whether he wants to be a part of the family tradition. Put the ball back into his court for the day.
Try to find something else to focus on...for example, the holiday, the kids are out early this week. Plan some activities for them and for yourself. The more you focus on him and what he's done, the more frustrated you will become.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
