New Me - Will WAW ever notice?

[Kakatal]

W calls to let me know she works 12-4 today - at SIL house. Says she is only on schedule for next Fri & Sat for 4hrs each. All regulars get all the hours. Kinda screwed. I don't know what to do. More uh huhs. Cya when you pick up kids.

W calls back 30 mins later. Asks if I am going to let her do the daycare business at house. Says mother of kids wants to know & has to decide before Monday if she is going back to work. W wants to do business only for a little while but not going to tell mother. Try to find a real job in the interim.

I ask her about the daycare insurance again. I tell her the biggest concern I have is protecting myself & kids from liability. Hope you can see my point in that. [silence]

W - I understand...I just..[silence]

I ask w - Are you going to look for a full time job? You were always good with computers, data entry, clerical work. W says that she would like to get a job doing something she is comfortable doing but people are not hiring & not paying what she would need in order to pay for daycare. Doesn't know how long it will take to find such a job.

W says that I can't afford to pay for daycare & keep the house so what is the benefit of her working full time? Asks if I can pay $600 or $1200 a month for daycare? I say realistically no but if I had to I'd find a way. If that meant losing the house then I lose the house.

I ask w if she can get daycare insurance if she isn't licensed? Says she doesn't know about that. Says she does not want to get licensed again, take the class, and do all that work just to watch a couple kids.

Says that I am making this hard and it doesn't have to be. No kids ever got hurt when she ran the daycare before. Guess this is my punishment for life - being repaid for the choices I am making. I'm very irritated.

I said that I have not said no to you doing daycare again in the house. W says that i haven't said no, but I haven't said yes either & I am finding one small thing to hold over her head in order to not help. Might as well just say no & be done with it.

I ask w if we were already divorced, would you think this request was reasonable? W says that depends on what kind of person you are. I say that obviously not a very good one since you are divorcing me.

Then w anger starts to pour out - says that everyone tells her to just go to court & prove that she didn't make any money over past 6 years & I have so she should get spousal support; but that she won't do that since it would mean I lose the house for the kids; I haven't asked you for any money; I want the divorce & these are the consequences of that choice, this is your payback to me, you are holding this over my head. I just let her rant & finish.

Tell w that you are right, you are divorcing me. I am not indifferent or unsympathetic to your plight but you made this decision & I respect that.

W then says fine, I will just go to court Monday & file the paperwork to get money from you. Go ahead. [I don't bother pointing out to w that she already waived alimony in our
mediated agreement in Aug] I tell her that I may not be able to afford the house in 2 months anyways so not going to let fear of losing house factor into this decision.

W then says she is getting too angry to talk. I will talk to you when I come to pick up the kids. I say that I would like her to not bottle up what she wants to say & let me hear it all when she comes to get the kids. W says she is done talking about this since I will never say yes.

Again I point out to w that I have not said no. She screams well what is it going to take for you to say yes. I just want there to be some insurance to protect me & the kids. W says is that all? No other last minute stipulations? I say that is all I have been asking you find out about. W says that she probably now can't get an answer to that until Monday.

W then says she is not a runaway wife. I ask her if she means a walk away wife. Yeah, whatever, from that article you gave me before [I had printed out Michelle's article on WAW & gave it to her 6 weeks ago].

W then says we will talk when she comes to pick up kids.

Glad to 1) be able to talk over phone - helps me stay calm & not react to her 2) be able to take notes 3) access my thread for tips 4) hold my ground about the insurance issue - nonnegotiable boundary

I am 100% certain that things are going to get WORSE dealing with her as the end of the month approaches & w's bills start to come due. Hell of a day so far :-) Time to start painting!