Stage 2.25

[istherehope]

No real updates, but just journaling as it helps me to get everything out. I had a really nice lunch with my friend. That's one good thing that has come out of this situation, i.e. that I have realized how many friends I actually have here. This was an issue for me before as I'd felt pretty isolated in Ireland...It's amazing how much a situation like this can really make you see how much people really care, or at least that has been my experience.

After lunch I ran some errands, including buying groceries. I love cooking as I've mentioned, so I always love going to the gourmet shops and buying things. H texted twice while I was out, just about things to pick up, but I have noticed that every time I go to town and make my own plans, he finds a reason to contact me.

I came home, and we watched a DVD together. Then, we started looking at new PCs together online. We're also going to go look at some in the stores tomorrow. I really like the fact that we seem to be shopping for the computer together, and he keeps saying "we" in terms of the computer. It's just these little things that keep me going. While we were looking at PCs on his laptop, his cousin called on Skype. He went downstairs and took the call, but I could hear his side of course. It was in Spanish, but H knows I understand. He said one thing which I think (maybe hope) was about the R. He said, loose translation here, "yeah good", then quiet for a minute, "in reality very good", and then said "yeah for that reason." I think the “for that reason” was in reference to him needing to run downstairs and put the headphones on vs. taking the call on speaker.

Then he came back upstairs and we looked at PCs a bit more. Now he's playing video games...what I find odd is how much he felt that I kept him from doing things like going out with friends, yet since I've been home, he has yet to make any plans on the weekends unless they are with me. I would not complain or mind if he did make plans, but I feel pretty happy that he is choosing to stick home with me.

So, things are still going well, in that strange unspoken way. Every day seems to be getting more and more normal, but I still have my guard up. I will continue to have my guard up until H does or says something so unmistakable that I feel I can relax. I am not expecting quick change at this point, but instead am making notes of the baby steps. Still, at some point there is going to need to be a conversation. I guess I hope to build a few more weeks of positives before we have this conversation though :).

OK I am going to cook dinner now. Again just to clarify here. I cook dinner because I enjoy it; it’s an added benefit that H enjoys it too.

ITH