I screwed up again

[techguy]

I feel like I know exactly what to say and what to do, but when she throws all these accusations at me, it is so hard to do.

Hi AN,

I actually spend quite a bit of time studing Eastern Philosophy (Buddhist stuff). They have a saying: 'If you can practice even when distracted, you are well trained'. Buddhist philospohy is all about self-control... but when people start throwing stuff at you it is hard. You do tend to forget your logical plan and your adreniline kicks in...

I also agree that you have to be carefull not to overdo it. Disgruntled spouses are especially good at sensing BS from you. In fact, they will even invent BS (like when your wife thought you were smiling). But... you can <never> overdo listening! If your validating isn't going well, then switch to more listening.

I understand all the things you wanted to yell back at her about OM. But, unfortunately, nothing you can say at this point will change her opinions one bit. That's the essence of DBing... don't use words. Avoid R talk. Improve yourself and let your actions speak for themselves.

Come here to the board to vent... just like you did.