I agree with Naej.. and like her, I am aware that your clock is ticking and that that is a concern for you (so why keep waiting). Interesting about January, hopefully that will clarify things then!
In terms of talking to him, no, not to rake over the past (me and my ex didnt). I meant talk to him about where you find yourselves now. How does he feel now. Why is he still emailing you, taking you for drinks, checking out your melons, holding your hand (sometimes)..why does he send you restrained emails about work/football? Does he see you now as friends? Is he happy with the aub, or like someone said, is there any possibility he is considering coming home? In short, how long does he expect you to wait!? (and can you)
Also, no, I wasnt suggest you "do it for him" or "tell him to come home"...more ask him something that may help you move forwards towards motherhood somehow? When you say "if my H wants to come back he knows where I am. He knows what he's missing....".. again, I wasnt suggesting you talk to him for his sake, but for your sake.
And when you say you are not sure you would take him back anyway..then why are you still bothering to DB him? Why are you denying yourself happiness with others, like CEO? Why do you say you feel guilty for fancying CEO becuase of your H and that you dont want CEO becuase he's not your H, then you say, but you dont know if you'd have your H back? Do you need to resolve that one as it seems pretty key?
You also say, you dont place any importance on their R... but he's been seeing someone else for 18 months, so in terms of piecing, I would have thought it is relevant, else how are you ever going to get past it?
Also.. can you hand on heart say that this statement is true? "we do have very good communication about our lives, interests, family, friends and so on".. Is it good, or is it a smokescreen?
I'm not 2x4ing you (I hope!) I am trying to help, especially considering the children aspect. I dont think anyone is suggesting you talk to him to speed your MLCer along (not possible!) but for your own decision making? But looks like January is a line in the sand for you? Which is something isnt it.
