Hey Al,

Glad you liked the outfit. It was tricky deciding what to wear!

H doesn't owe me anything because although he married me, he's been gone for over a year and I accept what happened. I don't worry about/wonder why he left. It was/is an MLC and wasn't anything to do with me/our R per se. I know my own value, BTW- if anything my self-esteem is too high \:\) . Also there's nothing H could say at this stage of his journey that would help me feel better because he still doesn't know what happened himself. He feels guilty and ashamed of his actions. Me asking him about them isn't going to make him feel better/get him feeling good about me any time soon!

I agree that things change, but if my H wants to come back he knows where I am. He knows what he's missing....but he left, and he's the one who has to man up if he's coming back. I'm not doing it for him by telling him he can come back. To be honest, I don't know if I'd take him back if he was to return, so I couldn't guarantee an open door anyway.

Could you clarify what you mean by 'real, open, honest' communication? If you mean a discussion about our R, we had them as follows: 10 days ago, on our wedding anniversary, and in July, in June and in May. We just don't discuss the aubergine, and that's a choice I make because I don't place value on their R. In addition we do have very good communication about our lives, interests, family, friends and so on. None of the R conversations have moved things along- the MLCer is on their own timeline and you can't do things to speed them up. MWD says that and it's been the case in all the other MLC successes I've read. Is there a reason why you think my sitch is different from the others?

There's a lot going on for me in January- not going to post it. Sorry!

L. xx