((((Lovely))))) I agree- the change of picture means nothing. Be careful not to overthink the situation. Just drop him a line on Monday, and I agree with K and the others, up the contact a bit. I think increasing it isn't going to hurt AT ALL- you'll either end up with things staying the same, or with building a stronger connection, but things won't get worse
I agree... is this google pic for anyone that gets an email from you? In which case, its nothing to do with you, just a new picture.
What is with the beard? Is it in any way connected to his religion? Or is he just being a bit eccentric!? I agree with Essie.. you've been apart for nearly a year or over now (?) and you have only recently enjoyed more contact with him.. so you've got to be realistic..so up the contasct and be damned I say!
I am also interested.. have you met anyone that floats your boat in any way, other than your ex, in the last year? I have met one guy (too young), but thats all. I tend to not fancy 99.9% of the population. Just curious!
It is so nice to get all your opinions... and the reassurance that the new picture doesn't mean anything.
I am feeling SO NERVOUS about my piano exam on monday. Everyone else in my class took it on thursday and they ALL failed, including the one girl who was totally on top of her game. The exam has 8 different parts and she screwed up on one of the parts and they failed her for the whole thing. I am actually contemplating things like "well, I guess I could just not finish my degree" or, "if I fail it twice, I guess I could spend christmas break studying to take it again in january". I hate this crap, I can't wait to be done with all of this.
Which makes me wonder if I should call him BEFORE the piano exam, as opposed to AFTER when I will probably be really upset.
((E)) I guess I am afraid he is sending a message like, "I am leaving behind my last memories of you, i threw out the beautiful flying angel statue you brought me and burned it along with all your love letters, here is a new picture of me in my Big Scary Beard". Honestly the old picture made me feel weird too, because it was taken in his NYC apartment which was were everything started to go to sh!t in our relationship.
((K)) thank you... for reassuring me.
((L)) you are right, maybe I need to give him "more openings" like ali said on your thread?
((A)) it displays to everyone, not just me. I really have NFC what is going on with the beard. Ever since I've known him he's always experimented a lot with his hair, but this is really extreme, like MAN OF THE MOUNTAIN beard. When I saw him in august he had trimmed it more like... a pirate or something... not so bushy, so I was hoping it would eventually just evolve away. But now it seems to be back with a vengeance! It seems like intense beards are normally declarations of bachelordom. But also apparently Ugly Beards are a big trend in NYC right now? I don't think it has anything to do with his religion. Unless he decided to become AMISH!! (I don't think they have that in the UK, but they are a religious group that wear simple clothing and support themselves by farming and wear really, really big beards.) I don't even know what's going on with him religiously in the past year, whether he is going to church or anything. It used to be really really important to him and also a big issue in the first few years of our relationship, but I don't even know if he's found a group of people to share that with in NYC. I don't know if that means he is adrift, or just changed so it is no longer a priority for him.
You know, I haven't met anyone this past year who floats my boat at all... everyone around me is like 19 years old or a gay opera singer. Even when B and I were together during the whole five year period there were only 2 other guys I felt at all attracted to and in the end I was SO GLAD I didn't go for either of them. I am really, really, really picky...
I think I figured out why the picture made me feel so weird. It's sad that I am so disconnected from B that I don't even know what his face looks like !!!
Yesterday I went to school and practiced a crapload of piano and saw my cello friends, and felt much better. Whatever happens on monday at my piano test I know I'm headed in the right direction and I think I'll be able to pass by the end of the semester.
Thanks for answering.. I'm the same, everyone at college is either 19-21, or older and M, or just, well, not my type! I'm super super picky too. In fact, I think I more often see good looking girls, than boys! (damn... thats where I've been going wrong! Why did nobody tell me!?)
Anyway, I digress...I can see why being out of his life so much would unsettle you. The picture... its not a rejection of YOU and your statue and your love.. its just, wow, I email people all the time and why have I got that old picture of me from years ago, when I am older now and grown up and have a big ole bigfoot man o the wilds beard.. like I'm a man now! I need to show it off! etc.
Just wanted to say good luck for tommorow.. and this is a big week.. why not wait a few days till after your exam to call him? Thats what your astro fairy advises...
Ali xxx
PS: I know you have been busier than a man with 10 heads... but we've been in this together since January.. and dont know if you read that my ex's BMF told me that he had kept saying he "loves me to bits", which is a change to the adamant IDLYA at the bomb. I was so touched...The bomb is a bunch of bs...
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I love your description of the new picture. I am glad you are just as confused as me about the beard. Maybe he is trying to "cover something up?" I dunno.
I think I will wait until I am feeling good to call. I think a big reason there hasn't been so much contact lately is because I have been REALLY STRESSED and I don't want to subject him to that. Also I think he will be able to "smell it" even if I try to Act As If I'm doing awesome. Thank you for being my ASTRO FAIRY!!!!!
I DID read about the amazing news from ex's BMF!!!! that is SO INCREDIBLE. Obviously he is really torn up inside about being apart from you. I wanted to celebrate with you on your thread, I have just been so swamped... I haven't been posting so much even though I have been reading.
Big hugs to ye, Ali. You made my day with your loving post!!! ((ALI)) T
I agree about the pic, and at least the beard is a good deterrent. My h grew a beard once and it aged him about 20 years. He was very proud of it but I persuaded him at Halloween to shave it off and leave a moustache so he could go to a fancy dress party as an 'authentic' Gomez (which he was ultra proud of), then he obviously felt silly with just a moustache so shaved that off too! So there are ways round these hurdles if you are creative.
Remember you don't have to be awesome all the time but I agree that it is better if you are stressed to take one thing at a time. It is usually when we are stressed that we need our partners most and that is when we should least contact them imo as it shows neediness - which we no longer have any right to show to them imo. Sorry I am rambling...
The best of luck in your piano exam! I'm thinking of you.
Well, I THOUGHT I ALMOST passed the piano exam, and then they asked me to do chord progressions in C#... which has five sharps....insanely hard... disaster. And a f*&%ing fellow grad student picked the C# key. I was so angry, so angry!!! I thought I would get to pick which key myself... that's what they have done every other time with the test, except apparently this semester it has changed. I get to take it again later... I am so ready to be done with this nonsense.
Mmm.... came home, watched the end of BBC "bleak house", and cried.
(((J))) yeah, the beard ages him a lot!! your story about H's halloween mustache reminds me of two of my cello friends who are dating each other. The guy wanted to be Magnum PI for halloween so he shaved off his beard and left he mustache. He looked so ... weird that his girlfriend convinced him to shave it all off and then he started his beard over from scratch... Do not worry, you are not rambling, your thought process mirrors mine exactly!!
tomorrow I fly home to my parents' for thanksgiving. I am so glad to have a break!!!!
C# - that's flipping ridiculous! Really sorry that it didnt go as you'd hoped. Hope you are feeling better, and that you have a lovely break with your family.
