I am NOT feeling well today. A bit too much drink last night. Sorry in advance for the long post all- more journalling than anything else.
I wore a shrug top (except mine was black with long sleeves) and a pair of wide leg jeans. It had to go from office to club and not look as though I'd made an effort so I thought that was a good compromise. Also the shrug top is great for showing off the melons subtley.
So when I got to work, CEO was in a good mood. We had to sort some slides out so we spent most of the day working on those together. We also spent quite a bit of time looking at kitchen worktops (again).
CEO: I'd bought this one, but it arrived in little pieces. I don't think that'll look very good Me: No, even if the bits are mitred I don't think it'll wear well CEO: What about this then? (A gorgeous dark black walnut- I previously said I loved that wood) Me: That's gorgeous. Makes you want to touch it. I'd take pride in keeping a worktop like that looking good CEO: When you say it makes you want to touch it, are you thinking that you'd like to be thrown against it naked and ravaged by a large and powerful man on it? [FD looks over his computer and raises his eyebrows] Me: (I'd actually been thinking something not too dissimilar) Ummmmm, well, ummm.....(sarcastically) yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. How did you know? CEO: I can just tell. What woman wouldn't want that? FD: (laughing) Guys. I'm trying to work here. Keep it clean.
After that CEO and I had a bit of a disagreement about some of the slides. He was sweet in checking I was OK afterwards; 'Are you OK, darling?' and put his hands on my waist- he was sort of behind and to the right of me as he did it. Much rolling of eyes from rich girl and weird girl. I was feeling quite happy, and what should happen but H e-mails me. It's almost as though he can tell I'm not thinking about him and times his contacts to create the most confusion. E-mail number 1 is a discount voucher at one of my favourite shops and a note saying he thought it might come in handy if I'm going shopping this weekend. The second e-mail (which came within about 10 minutes) was a rude Christmas e-card with a cartoon of two deer having s*x as the picture. The message said it was something to make me smile in case my day wasn't going so well and telling me about his day.
Anyway, at about 4ish CEO and I headed over to the club. He hailed a cab and was so gentlemanly opening the door for me, and then closing it behind me when I got out. He suggested we come back to work later to finish the slides and cancelled his evening plans on the way. The place was AMAZING. We went to the top floor and sat on the sofa nearest the front of the picture. There was a fire on in the chimney thing in the middle and this was the view. CEO and my old boss spent a couple of hours discussing work stuff while we had some wine and food. At one point they were discussing a woman they both know....
Old Boss: She's quite hot CEO: Just hot then, or are we talking Lisa-hot?
Then he looked at me and looked a bit embarrassed. My stomach was butterflying all over the place. I mouthed a thankyou and smiled.
Concurrently H sent me another e-mail (I'd replied to his earlier) saying we could have lunch next week if I'm free. (I'm not hugely bothered).
After my old boss left CEO and I stayed and talked some more. Probably for about 4 hours. I can't even remember how much wine I had to drink, but he was pretty drunk too so it must have been a lot. It was SO nice to just talk and laugh and hear him speak freely, easily, and confidently. He mainly talked, I mainly listened, about
- work, - how he's really stressed right now, - his house (he decided on my preferred worktop), - the girl he was seeing- it's finished as they ran out of things to say - what he regrets - religion - what he thinks about doing in the future - how he believes in soul mates, and that the right person will be like part of him- like the same person (very worrying). I didn't get to explain that love is a decision - whether he's marriage material (he was a bit put out that I said he wasn't and wanted to know why I thought that. I said I thought he had a low boredom threshold)
There was lots of mirroring- we were next to each other on the sofa, turned towards each other. I was smiling and laughing a lot and made him laugh a couple of times. I hope he enjoyed it too. He noticed that we were mainly talking about him because he teasingly asked where we were and then said 'Oh yes, talking about you' at one point.
We went to and played some table football. I got chatted up by a stranger for a bit when CEO went to the bathroom but I don't think he liked that because he watched the sleazy guy talk to me for a bit and then disappeared to play pool. He asked me about the chatter-upperer when I found him and seemed put out (it wasn't my fault!). I watched him play pool for a bit while another guy tried to talk to me, and then thought I'd better leave because otherwise I might not be able to stop myself from leaping on him (CEO). The other guy actually said I couldn't take my eyes off CEO, which got me a bit worried.
As I left CEO gave me a kiss on both cheeks and we talked about meeting on Sunday to finish the slides. I think he stayed at the club (or maybe went home- we didn't leave together). He watched me as I was leaving. I got home at about 1 this morning.
*sigh* if it wasn't for the whole believing in soul mates thing it'd be so easy to decide to love him. It's really horrible. What should I do? I guess it's something of a rhetorical question because obviously I should just carry on steering a neutral path and seeing what H and CEO do while not committing to any drastic action on either front.
Thanks anyone who got through that without thinking my DBing has completely gone to pot. Obviously I should just maybe not spend long evenings in swanky bars with my hot CEO. Although, here's the thing, this guy thinks I'm hot and smart, that I'm perfect as I am, he holds doors open for me and thinks nothing of spending �300 on a single night with me expecting nothing in return, discusses literature, religion, politics, sport, the future, children, has dreams and is confident, wants my opinion on the decor and work, makes me laugh, gives me butterflies, tries to look after me, is vulnerable, discusses his worries with me, gets jealous when other men try and flirt with me and on top of it all drips testosterone from every pore and has HUGE hands. I don't understand how I can feel bad about being attracted to him when my H has been gone for so long. And I don't understand how H could have run off with an aubergine just like that when we were living together. It makes no sense, and neither does this man being put in front of me. It's like having not eaten for a week and then having to spend a whole day looking at a big delicious chocolate cake without touching it.
I guess on the DB front, it was a change for H to ask about my weekend and pass on a voucher, and also for him to mention making me smile. It's a little bit of looking-after behaviour, like he used to do before the S etc, etc.
