Okay, I too thinlk the other woman is back. Mainly due to Dan's comments about no one listening or understanding him more than the physical stuff.
But,
Does it matter? BBJ, the guy isn't in this marriage. He isn't a husband. He is hurting you and I am sure the kids feel it. I know you love him. I know you love the idea of marriage. But, now you need to take control and do what is best for you.
It is your game and your rules BBJ. Stop playing his game. Both of you are losing this game. Time to play by your rules and be the winner you truly are.