This post may be a bit dangerous. Hope I don't upset you. But I wanted to add something to your recent story about S12.
I don't agree with the way your husband treats him in any way. And I totally believe that these comments make your son feel bad.
But... We've talked alot with our C about our S14. C notes how male kids of that age will, by their nature, try to maximize their situation. So, for example, our son will often approach one of us and tell us that the other parent was mean to them. He's learned that when he does that, the parent tends to shower him with extra love and attention.
So I'm <not> trying to say that your son is making this stuff up! I'm just saying that things like writing the note and presenting it to you may be a small attempt on his part to gain more affection from you. Just something to keep in mind.
I also think delaying S12's counseling would be fine. We have talked with our C quite a bit about whether our S14 should get C. The C is rather ambivalent on the topic. He can see some benfits. But he also notes that having a kid go to counseling sends a message to them that something is wrong. And alot of times they end up thinking that something is wrong with them (because they are being sent to counselling).
In reality, it would be far better if H went to counselling to get help dealing with S12. But I know you know that.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
