My crazy mess....what version is this now???!!!

[Very Scared 54]

Christa

I know you are in the middle of a "Hot Mess", but may I impose on you for just a moment to ask your opinion?

W and I met for dinner last night (at her invitation). We talked a lot of things, but she brought up the topic of her going back into therapy. She said that she is real confused about how she feels. On the one hand she craves her independence and wants to be free from any R ties. She wants to feel self-reliant. On the other hand she wants the security that I give her. She has enjoyed the past two weekends and has appreciated me respecting her wishes in cretin areas of our R.

She said I may not like or want to be with the type of person that she turns out to be after therapy and this process may time a long time. I do not know what she is defining as a long time. I told her that we will cross that bridge when it comes, but it will then be a choice we both will make.

I asked her why she was considering taking off her wedding banned. She said it would symbolize being independent. It was not to make her self availed on the dating market. I offered my wedding band to her to hold until she is ready to seriously to start working on the R/M. She declined to take it. She was relieved to know that 1, I was not ready to be divorced and 2, I was not ready to take off my ring.

I request that she consider going with to MC after she gets to a point in her therapy that she can work on our R/M. She agreed in theory to this request.

She wants to keep things like they are for now and move slowly. I agreed. I told her that I can not read her mind, so she will have to tell me what wants or dose not want. She agreed.

There is a lot more, but I think you get the drift. It is my impression that her mind and emotions are pulling in two directions. She is real confused. She thought that being divorced is what she wanted, but now she is not so sure.

What is your interruption?

VS

[christarn]

I think she is really confused. I understand the freedom thing...but she longs to be secure which she gets from you. You give her security. Your arms hold her tight and protect her from the crazy world.

I long for that as well.

I think she needs IC and MC

just my 2 cents

Keep forging ahead!

SLOW AND STEADY!!! TURTLES PACES WINS THE RACE!!!!!!!!!

H bailed again...so sick of this!

[Very Scared 54]

Christa

I am sorry that he is putting you off. What was his reason this Time? Do you think he is just trying to push your buttons to see how will react?

Thank you for your interruption. Your insights always helps me cope with the many directions my sitch has taken me.


(((((((Christa))))))
VS

[christarn]

he didn't give a reason

just said he had plans...little brat

i'm really beginning to get flustered...if this is any indication what the next 6 months is going to be like...i don't know how interested i really am about signing any paperwork. if i can't even get him to talk about the paperwork to begin with...how are we going to get together to talk or hang out...seriously WTF???

I was also thinking of adding a clause to my side of the paperwork about attending a two day intensive with Michelle...at my cost of course...we shall see...again if i can't even get him to talk in general...how am i to get him to go to Boulder, Co...i was also reading she has sessions in IL...which could be promising.

I don't know VS...I am not liking the general direction this hotmess is going...not at all....

(((VS)))

your sitch is sounding more promising! keep your chin up...eye on the green!

[Very Scared 54]

Christa

I understand your frustration. I am frustrated with you. I had thought about my W and I traveling to Boulder to visit with Michele l as well. It sounds like a good idea. If you can add that to the paperwork, (and signed) you may have a good chance. However, you need to get H to visit with you and go to the MC there first. Then use Michele, if you can, as your ace in the hole.

I know that this is an old saying, but it is true. " It is always darkest before the dawn."

Keep your chin up and a sharp Eye on the Green yourself.

I wish I could give you something that will help, but the only thing I can think of is time is on your side.

((((((Christa)))))
VS

[christarn]

Thanks VS

I have inacted my 72 hour rule...I am doing nothing! Nothing until at least Sunday...that's more than 72 hours I know...however, I need time to process his actions. He's acting like a child...so I will sit on it and just let it ride. I am putting it in God's hands now. He will guide me as to what to do!

My friend's are awesome...we are going out to dinner tonight...then out for dinner and cocktails tomorrow. One friend who is not 21 yet even is volunteering to be our DD!! I have the best friends ever both here and virtually!!!!

Thanks for sticking by me!

What are your plans for the weekend?

I have school all day today...yuck!

I better finish getting ready...oh boy!

Christa

((((VS))))

[Very Scared 54]

Christa

The 72 hour rule sounds like a good idea. Having friends to go out with is even better. It sounds like to me that H is does not know what he wants. First he wants the papers signed, and then he does not want to meet to sign the papers. He sounds like a spoiled brat.

Consider this; do not contact him any more. Let H contact you. Put it back onto him. You have been busting you're a## trying to satisfy his demands, wants, and don't wants. Let him wonder what is going on a while.. Maybe backing off a little will make him think. I have found (with some experience) that when kids through a temper tantrum or pout, if you ignore them, they stop. It does not do them any good because there is no audience. Since he is acting childish, treat as a child. It is something to think about.

My weekend involve my W coming to stay for a couple of days. The plans are to watch a movie or two and chill out on the couch with a glass of wine or 2 or 3. I have made a knock dead romantic power point presentation with the pictures on last weekend. It is pretty Da# good if you ask me. She said that she has a shear nightgown in her closet that she wants to try on and wear. She does not know if I could handle it. She likes to dance to slow music in our living room wearing her nightgown. She is very sexy in her nightgown, but I am to control myself and not assume that we are not going to make love. Is this some kinda test?

Well I hope your weekend goes well. I am hoping mine does well as well. ...... And I hope can past the test.

(((((((Christa))))))
VS

[christarn]

VS~ sounds like you have a great plan for you and wife! I know if worlds were reversed, i would not be able to withstand that test!!! LOL!!!

I am hoping to enjoy my weekend!!!

You do the same!!

Hugs
christa

will chat soon!!

[dday101798]

My 2 cents:

I have found that not making intitial contact is very helpful. And usually on the third day of no contact my W will initiate it. I let her manage the contents of the conversation (to the best of my ability that I'm working on) and until something backfires somweher in the conversation and causes another need to go without communication, it works fairly well. It tells me SHE wants to associate with me.

[christarn]

Thanks Dday....I guess too, it will show if he actually does give a sh*t about the R/M or just in it for the financial obligations...i think i will await his call. I am tired....we shall see!!!

thanks for the input

(((dday)))

christa