It's official.......what now?

[mishka422]

Thanks Donna. Good suggestions and I'll take them under consideration. If I can piece any time together at all it would be a Godsend.

Everyone here is going to be very disappointed in me. Heck, I feel like a complete idiot but I couldn't seem to stop it.

I was going to bible study tonight. It was the singles bible study from the church I attend DivorceCare at. It's not my church, but the other baptist church in town. I was nervous about going because I don't know anyone except CG that attends the group. I had to text CG earlier tonight to check on the time of the group because I forgot to ask when I got the directions. He told me 7pm but that he unexpectedly had his kids so he wouldn't be there. I figured, I'm a big girl, I don't need the buffer of having someone there I know. I'll be ok. WRONG! I pulled up in front of the house and immediately had a panic attack. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stop shaking. No matter how many deep breaths and took I couldn't get it under control. I finally got calmed down enough to drive away.

I decided I would just go to my cousin's house to discuss the Thanksgiving plans with her so I had some idea of what I needed to get done. I got to her house, I was obviously being a bother to her and then realized they were going out to dinner (her, her H and 2 of their 5 kids). I told her to call me when she had time to discuss the menu and I left, got in my car and started crying so hard I couldn't see. Great! Stupid! I went to pick up my measly little check from my part-time job and cried all the way to the bank. Cried all the way home. Walked into the house, picked up the mail, got a copy of my son's progress report showing that he is failing EVERY class now. Not just 2 but ALL of them and immediately went to my room and locked myself in. That's where I still am 45 minutes later. Locked in my room without any desire to go back out there and face my son and try to come up with yet another plan of action to get him passing his classes.

His teachers are out of ideas, I'm never home, his dad is useless and even though my mom is here with him whenever he's home, she can't help him since she can't see.

Back to EVERYTHING SUCKS! Just great! And I was feeling so darned good earlier today even though the exhaustion is taking over.

Que sera, sera......