Six months later--the truth is out there

[BeingMe]

I don't know which god your H is a man of, but I don't think it's the one to which I pray. Maybe he's more involved in the Wicca way of life now? Or, he's just fooling himself. I hope your L gets back support as well as normal monthly support, and pins his a@@ to the wall, big time. Fair is fair, and given that he's not paying spousal support, he can at least cough up the right amount for CS. But, as you say earlier, he's trying for 50/50 child custody, which is already not working.

Take care.

[Silent Chrleader]

Ah.......OK, well, if he's going to have that strategy, he at least needs to make sure his client's can afford to eat and get the medication they need.

Take care, {{{{{{Hoozh}}}}}}!!

I'm not a religeous person, but I'm sending you good karma!!

[hoosiermama]

And that's exactly the reason he's wanting 50/50 custody--so he won't have to pay support. It isn't because he wants her half the time, because he doesn't. And there's apparently no such thing as spousal support or alimony in this state these days.

I tell you what, tho--as soon as I possibly can, I will be financially independent of this man, or of any man. I cannot believe that I am living like this, after 30 years of working. And I cannot believe that I am feeding my daughter noodles because her father hates me too much to give me the money to provide for her. My life is out of control.

[hoosiermama]

Thank you, cheerleader! I appreciate it. I need all the karma I can get.

[NNP1965]

(((hm))). You gotta tell your L something has to be done now!

[hoosiermama]

The news isn't good. There's no way we can get into court before December 15, when we're scheduled for a hearing. Which I figured. And my L believes that H is carrying so much of the debt load, as well as tuition and medical insurance for D, that it's unlikely he's going to be willing--or ordered--to pay a whole lot in support. In addition, H isn't fighting me for the house, and I don't have to buy him out of the shared equity. And I'm asking--no, demanding--that he pay my attorney fees. In short, we have too much debt and expenses. There will be support ordered, but these factors will be considered in determining the amount he pays. And in Indiana, adultery is irrelevant, the fact that he left is irrelevant--it's simply about sums of money.

So--I need to find another job, or a second job. Good hours = less pay but more time with D. Crummy hours = we can eat more than ramen noodles, but I have less time with D. I need to cut expenses--I don't know where, but I'll have to find some fat to cut. This is my new life.

[kml]

D needs to have time with you, if at all possible.
Are there ways you could make extra money without giving up time with D? (Note - some of these you may not want to do until AFTER the financial aspects of the divorce are settled)

Brainstorming ideas:

Babysit someone else's child at your home in the evening (waitresses and nurses who work night shifts need this kind of childcare).

Get a roommate

Start a home business on eBay. (I read an article recently about a woman scorned who started a very successful business selling novelty items like an ex-husband knife holder!).

Dog walking

Making crafts to sell

Tutoring other people's children

Giving lessons (music? Cooking? art? what skills do you have?)

Other people out there should have other ideas. Think outside the box.

Ellie

[Puppy Dog Tails]

How much debt load is he carrying? Min. payments per month???

[NNP1965]

I saw my L today too and he said I am entitled to child and spousal support, but the we also have too much debt so that my spousal support may come in the wau of him having to pay debt.

Sounds kind of like your sitch hm. I am so sorry.

[hoosiermama]

Thanks kml--I am seriously looking into starting a small ebay thing. I make jewelry, and like most beaders I have a considerable stash of material built up. There seems to be a significant profit margin on this stuff--it might be fairly lucrative at least until I go thru my stash! I can be pretty crafty--another thing that's hot on ebay is decorative pillows, and I have a little pile of vintage fabric and a sewing machine.

I might have to check out eBay for that exH knife-holder! Do they also have OW knife-holders?