I might ask her how long she intends to stew on this, if she meant a couple days or even a couple weeks I could see giving her that since the letter was such a departure from your usual interactions.
But if she says who knows? Or spring, or whatever, then don't give up the big step you took giving her the letter by letting her wait that long....just my opinion. Timing is everything, strike while the iron is hot, etc etc
If you give it a month or two, the message is watered down and loses its punch. She may just wait and hope it blows over if she can put you off that long....
I totally agree with this.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I know that she needs some time, and I purposely didn't set a "limit", we know how well that would have gone over! I think that I won't say a word until mid-December. If she hasn't said anything by then, I will ask her when she intends to. I think BobbbiJo could be correct, she might be content to wait, and hope that it blows over.
I don't see why this would get in the way of all the other stuff. I don't see where I am asking for a lot of time from her. It's the same as when she was in school, and didn't have time to work on the M. Anyone see a pattern?
Hey!!! I think it was a posistive reaction. I honestly think it was a positive reaction and I dont really like your wife as you know. Granted how she behaves, I was totally surprised she even mentioned the letter... I was prepared for...silence.
I bet the I love you made a huge impact, I can feel it. I agree,dont let her beat around the bush much. I dont think you should wait another 2 months to at least have another duiscussion. Since she said you misunderstood her about the C tell your C about it and see if you can go even if she feels she doesnt want to respond yet.
I am with Amy, how does it feel to show you are not "settled"? At least that you dont intend to stay settled for much longer? Love ya K
At the same time, you have given her a lot of stuff to think about - things that she maybe doesn't want to think about. She has said she will think about it I personally wouldn't set deadlines. Her initial reaction was maybe understandable i.e. the defensiveness, after all that is a natural reaction I think.
Give her time and space in my opinion now you have made this move. It is a big move and it needs some digesting on her part I think. It may be a chance to build up that love bank... actions Jeff. What has been working that you have seen a positive result from lately? I can think of a few things...
Hmmm. Well, first I am proud that you gave her the letter. But I wonder if your W realizes that with a discsusion of this calibar, there will never be a perfect time.
That being said, my only concern is that you both do go back to the status quo. My fear is that these issues have been simmering so long between the two of you that both of you have gotten complacent. I know you are frustrated, but I do think that your W will sweep it under the rug as long as she can.
Still, you know her best. I agree that you should give her some time, as long as it isn't too much time (by that I mean don't give her like six months...these are issues that need to at least BEGIN to be addressed). Rome wasn't built in a day, and I expect this decision won't be made in a day either, but somewhere, sometime soon, discussions have to at least begin.
(((Jeff)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
(((Jeff))) All I got is hugs today. Unless you'd like to borrow my boots. Valerie's using them right now, but I'm sure she'll send 'em over if you want. You are doing the right thing. Don't ever forget it. Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
(((Jeff))) All I got is hugs today. Unless you'd like to borrow my boots. Valerie's using them right now, but I'm sure she'll send 'em over if you want.
Hey I gave those back to you on your thread! But I did hear Nancy saying something about needing a parachute and good pair of boots....
BTW, Jeff, I tend to share Lola's POV here. Nothing will happen overnight, but waiting til spring just doesn't seem the way to go. I like that you are going to say/do something again mid-December, but I wouldn't go any longer than that.
Remember what you want here, too. Not just what W wants.
(((((Jeff)))))
Last edited by GoingForward; 11/21/0809:45 PM.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
BobbiJo! That's exactly it. I think everyone probably does that from time to time, but I think most of us reorder the priorities on occasion.
Kalni, I'm glad that I shook things up a bit. I see the C Tuesday morning. W said she wouldn't rule out MC, but it would have to be with a C not associated at all with this one. At least that's what she said this morning. I need to look at the letter, W seemed to think that I wanted her to go tot he C to work on us, but I just wanted the C to have a different picture of ME. I'd still like that, actually.
Lola, I am really concerned that this will just be forgotten. I can't let it go that long!
Goldey, hugs are good!
GF, I don't expect anything overnight. Actually, I expect things to be worse for a while. But I am not waiting as long as I think she'd like to wait, either. There is no reason she can't put a tiny bit of energy into this M before Christmas. Or be honest enough to say she doesn't want to.
Well, so glad she said it was beautifully written.
Also glad it got to her enough to wake you up and talk!
Shock surprise about it being bad timing. But you handled it well, there never would be a good time.
Mid-December sounds good. After Thanksgiving, do it at least a week or two before Christmas so that you show you did hear what she said about the holidays beings stressful. But you can't let it drop now.
((((((((((((Jeff)))))))))))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
