It's obvious your H still hasn't forgiven you. Both of you have reached the same places but just at different times. The only thing you can do is ride things out and let the negative feelings between both of you start to calm down a bit.
It's definitely hard. Coming from the POV of a H who found out his wife was having an EA, I have moments of strong anger and resentment for my wife and OM that come out even when I thought I was at peace. We're only human.
Do what you need to do to get the pain out of your system. Cry,yell, whatever. The trip will do you good.
Have patience and someday soon you'll both come to a neutral place where the feelings aren't as raw and then you can be honest and start actually talking "to" one another about your sitch and not "at" each other.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
