I am again noticing this strong pattern my H seems to be following.
He will be very distant and drunk and wasted hanging out at the bars for a few nights in a row throughout the week.
Then the next week he will be very kind and loving and helpful and hanging out at my place a lot.
It is hard on me, becuase I never know what kind of a night I am going to have.
I rarely make plans with him anymore since I get so sick of him blowing me off. Now we base each night on a night by night basis depending on his actions.
He has been saying things an awful lot lately to me about himself being a drunk. And he says how it is so easy for him to go to a bar, but always so hard for him to leave. He calls himself a punk and says he has always been one (but he wasnt ever before all this happened).
He talks as though he is warning me that he will always be an alcoholic and that I need to accept it and expect him to be at the bars a lot.
I told him last night that I didnt really want to stay at the restaurant we ate at to get more drinks after dinner. He kept asking and rechecking if we could stay. I said, I was tired and I had to drive home so I could leave with out him if he wants. He said, No and that he would come with me.
He made me feel guilty so I said to him that he was making me feel like I am a slug just becuase at 9 o'clock I wanted to go home instead of stay and drink on a work night. I also get up at 4:45am every day and he doesnt need to get up until he wants to. I feel like I am so lame compared to the lifestyle he wants.
Things have been good between us, I just freak out so much about our future. Whether or not we will ever live together again or not.
The thing is,that My H came back to me (as I so dreamed and desired and prayed for), however unlike before he is an alcoholic and going to bars daily/nightly.
I dont know what to do or how to feel about it. TIPPER
