There are many others here who have walked the path you are on, but I haven't, so I will not tell you to act. What I see is that this is where the IC might be helpful for you. You have a lot to accept that is unacceptable. My fear is that you will choose to act one way, but his actions will continue to anger you, and you will explode, revealing that you have been "acting" all along. In the end, I don't honestly believe most of us can "act" anyway that is not genuine for a long time.
That is the thing that confuses me. If he can admit to me that he has tried buying things to make himself happy and it didn't work, then why stay for the money?
well BBJ I think it's pretty simple..Dan stands to lose quite a bit in D proceedings unless there was a pre-nup..anything he bought, even though it did not make him happy, is up for grabs in a settlement. Most men don't like to lose their things in a D..and yes, most men look at it just like I said, no matter what the "courts" say......plus over the years men have not come out very well in D proceeedings even thought that is changing..so all that plays into a mans minset on divorce..
Dan is either taking his time getting up enough courage to go file, or he's waiting you out..thinking you'll quit
one thing is certain..someone will get tired, someone will give up..someone will make the first move to get the proceeedings started..
This is where I am torn. Because if it were just me, I would ask/tell Dan to leave today, to find somewhere to stay until he has his own place. B/C he will never find out what it is like to leave until he leaves...
(When he said he couldn't imagine being without me, I said, you already did it when you moved out in March. He said, "That was just for my job and you had to finish your job down there, that wasn't a separation." Ooooooookay? Didn't feel that way to me...)
I just think Dan really needs to see/feel/touch/experience life as a separated/divorcing man before he will know what is going on. He may LOVE it, which is fine, I will live with that. He may HATE it, which is fine, then he will know it. But talking about leaving while staying is getting us nowhere but me frustrated, sad, and angry just like H.
I just can't reconcile that with what it is going to do to my kids, and how I feel about telling them before the holidays...
There are many others here who have walked the path you are on, but I haven't, so I will not tell you to act. What I see is that this is where the IC might be helpful for you. You have a lot to accept that is unacceptable. My fear is that you will choose to act one way, but his actions will continue to anger you, and you will explode, revealing that you have been "acting" all along. In the end, I don't honestly believe most of us can "act" anyway that is not genuine for a long time.
i agree with what Sara says here too..I think you need to have siomeone to talk to. Someone you can set in the same room with and talk about these things..It really helped me to see someone..
I think getting your anger and frustration with your DAM out is a good thing. But, I also think that we should work on taking care of you, moving more of the focus to you. I'm not always sure exactly what that means, but I think that focusing too much on him is a bad thing.
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'.
Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
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Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that" She says, "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny."
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
