I screwed up again

[AnotherNightmare]

dw,

Thank you for your feedback! I probably should have mentioned somewhere that she dropped the bomb only last week, so it might be too early to say whether or not I am making any progress with her.
I have thought about your comments about my goals. I understand it sounds like I want her to do things, but that is not the case. The way I understand DR achieving the goals will be the result of my actions. So if I changed the goals to make them goals for me, they would sound like:

1. I will not get angry when I talk to her.
2. I will make time to spend with my kids.
3. I will stay calm when she criticizes me.
4. I will show interest in anything related to the kids.
5. I will act happily when she is around.
6. I will continue working out and staying in shape.

I was not sure how to change the last original one into a goal for me, but that is a goal I need to accomplish somehow sooner of later, if the marriage is to be saved. Anyway, I replaced it with a truly personal goal.
The only problem I see with those goals is that they might not - as you said - get me the results I want. For example, my calmness and my oblivion to her participating in the MC was received as cold-heartedness. So what I wrote in this post is what I plan to experiment with, but I may have to change strategy if I do not accomplish what I listed as my goals in the previous post.

AN