WAW - Possible MLC I need help, WAWs advice II

[dday101798]

Heh, as soon as saw where you going with the listening to other people about your W I was immediately going to tell you tell them exactly what you're already saying, don't know, don't care to.

I have found in my sitch that thinking you can trust your friends and the WAS is the liar is a DEAD WRONG assumption. I don't buy stock in much of what anybody says these days and although I do care to hear how she's doing when we're not talking, I have found myself getting into that mindset of don't know, don't care, if it's relevant to me, she can tell me directly.

On the yelling and screaming topic, your stance is good like the one i'm learning to 'master' of not firing back and remaining calm (easier said than done). HOWEVER, instead of trying to burry it, you need to disect what it is your W is angry about. Once again, at least in my sitch that's one thing that helped create this, burrying things.

I used to just bottle things up (in more wasy than one) and keep them to myself in fear it would start a confrontation with W all throughout our marriage. We were hardly ever open with each other on what upset us individaully. Now I know, that is a flaud way to deal with issues that although may be small at the time, amass in larger numbers and then new uneccassary problems are created as a result.

Hopefully some of that makes some kind of sense?

On the bills, I hear ya there. W handled all the household finances, another main problem leading up to this. It's stressful, and I told her several times I'd take over, she never turned the bills over. So, for her to see me now with every bill current and on time (usually) is apparently mind boggling at best for her. before I'd jsut go to work and only see money whenever I'd earn a "allowance" from her. I always felt controlled through that, so in a way, she sole handedly helped me do a 180 right off the bat