I noticed that on your list - 4 of your 6 goals started with the word "she". You can only control yourself and how you relate to her. If you can stop reacting to her, that's a good start. You need to remain calm and cool. You're giving away too much power to her if you react to her.
How about making another list w/goals for YOU. Things you'd like to happen in your life, and your life w/your children. You can't control what she says or does - only how you handle it. It seems like so far, how you're handling it isn't getting you the results you want. Have you considered some 180's?
