Try not to read anything into her initial reaction. She was probably shocked and her knee-jerk reaction was to blame you for your bad timing. I think you handled it well. Think positive, with no expectations (tough to do, I know!)
You got a response of sorts....not the response you are waiting for but at least it was something. I would be still for awhile...continue to be yourself...continue to GAL...let her stew for awhile. She may feel overwhelmed by the upcoming activities that are planned, but aren't you facing the same activities?
Be good to yourself...give this some time. You did great!
Hugs!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
(((((GF, T, n_a))))) Her response was about what I expected. She said several times that it wasn't fair. Oh, well. When the kids say that, she tells them life's not fair.
((((Jeff)))) I'm SO PROUD OF YOU for giving her the letter. I'm very disappointed by her initial reaction, but I think it partially came from her being caught off guard.
I'm not sure what exactly she is referring to not being fair, but she will have to get over it.
Lifes a bitch, get a helmet.
(((((Hugs))))) you did good.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Give her time. She will have, like anyone, plenty of idle moments to think more of the letter and your marriage.
Dont let her initial reaction get to you.
The status quo of a marriage with a hidden divorce sucks. Try to come up with a time frame of how much longer you are going to tolerate this. Jeff deserves a shared life with someone to love and cherish (and have sex with).
WOW! I think thats positive! (yep, I have a lot of sagi in my chart too Jeff, always the optimist).. I wasnt expecting that.. she is saying she cant 'deal' with this right now.. she needs space to. Well, then, thats a good thing? Thats not a no, I'm not interested, or I dont care what you think. She also reassured you not to take her slow reaction as a rejection, so thats positive too? Its like.. it isnt, even if you thnk it is.
Of course, she is stuck in old patterns, moaning about quilting and visitors and tidying the damn house (if I were you, I would work overtime 2 hours a week and PAY FOR A CLEANER for her, goddamnit!)
So, looks like she intends to respond...after the holidays??
I think its interesting that she said you had misinterpreted her response about the C..sounds like a valid reason not to see YOUR C. And you said, yuo could have got it wrong.. all points again to a total breakdown in communication. Perhaps.. if she ever says things again.. and you are not clear.. instead of 'leaving it', or walking away, or assumeing, or seething.. you could say.. "what did you mean by that ?" or.. "I think what you're saying is, X.. have I got that right?".. just to clarify??
Would that be a 180 for you? I did that with my ex Tuesday.. I noticed in the past I wsa confused by things and would speculate here over meanings, so when he said vague things, I said to him "what do you mean you.. X ?" and the answers were very illuminating! (and made me realise I didnt expect that answer).
Waffling, sorry, but I am pleasently surprised she didnt just return it to you, unopened, or shredded, or something.
In my opinion you need to let her know that waiting until Spring for a response is not acceptable.
That woman needs her world shook up.
Seriously. I agree. I understand she needs time to "think" and digest what's just been handed to her, but quilting, and getting ready for the holidays....C'mon now. Is it really too much to ask for a little effort here and there, starting NOW? My goodness.
Sorry, Jeff. The piss poor excuses bother me, and you know I hear plenty of them!
(((((Jeff)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
The fact that you got an emotional reaction at all is pretty encouraging, in my opinion. It was the right time to 'do something different'....
I might ask her how long she intends to stew on this, if she meant a couple days or even a couple weeks I could see giving her that since the letter was such a departure from your usual interactions.
But if she says who knows? Or spring, or whatever, then don't give up the big step you took giving her the letter by letting her wait that long....just my opinion. Timing is everything, strike while the iron is hot, etc etc
If you give it a month or two, the message is watered down and loses its punch. She may just wait and hope it blows over if she can put you off that long....
But I think it is great that she explained a little more about the C comments, and that she said it was beautifully written...
