Worse before Better?

[Sophie]

Hi V...thanks for checking on me:)

You are right and thanks for the pep talks...my mind drills deeper and deeper when I am left with only my thoughts.

Ok - it does impact on your life that he has filed for divorce - but it's not really a surprise to you after all this time is it?

I figured sometime H would file...but, it did catch me by surprise at this time. I had been so easy going, detatched, as if,...H had unlimited access to kids to go wherever, whenever, however...and most of that time was spent here without my invitation.

H and I were reconnecting in our long 'friend' conversations about mostly his job, the weather and kids. Kind of boring actually, but I mostly listened.

This has been since the beginning of August...so, I thought H was being 'drawn' back here in some baby steps.

Other than H bottoming out 'emotionally, physically, financially'...and I've waited 3 years to hear those words....we had one spat over what time the kids were supposed to be home, (He kept them out late without checking in with me about their plans...I was accused of preaching)

The other was when he wanted me to take over the bills...and give him money...I was accused of preaching.

I think a mistake I made was to suggest for financial and parenting reasons, that he move back.

I guess that wasn't validating the seriousness of his departure 2 1/2 years ago.

Girlfriend, you are no where near detached. when you are detached you don't think about the sitch 24/7. When you are detached you don't care what's happening to him, about him or with him. When you are detached you are living your life and if he happens to visit in on it from time to time, that's OK - but it doesn't matter to you - because when you are detached you are OK on your own.

You get detached by dealing with business and working on you. You keep your PMA as high as possible, you GAL and you Act as If you were already completely detached.

you can do it. You are strong and you'll be OK.

Thanks again for that reminder!!

You know, I was detached for the level I had to deal with.

This is for me, a new and higher level, so...I have to regroup and detach under new circumstances.

It isn't taking as long as it did to get where I was in July.

It's just so raw right now, my feelings are hurt and I have never been in trouble with the law for any reason....and now I'm being sued. poop

When I first started here, it was pointed out to me by all my readers that I had a ton of anger and bitterness.

I get momentary waves of that through my mind, but mostly....It's my feelings....they are hurt, and I feel 100% unappreciated by H for all I have done for his kids...not to mention of course, HIM!!!

H is still not facing reality and I'm sure turns a blind eye to any damage he has and is causing....he's still a selfish MLCr...I thought he was coming out of it.