And I can't even kick his sorry ass out b/c I am afraid of traumatizing my children...
Sorry for ranting, but I need to let this out and with Sydney home from daycare I can't go run it off at the Y....
The other thing pushing my buttons right now IS the holidays. B/C Dan hasn't told anyone in his family that he has changed his mind about us, again.....they just know he decided to move back and try again in July, and they know we went to the marriage/Retro classes so I am sure they think we are growing together again...
So H's mom called last night to ask me what our Thanksgiving plans were, which days we were spending with them vs. my parents, etc. And she asked about plans for Christmas too. I just did the "smile and wave", acted like everything sounded just great!!!
But I imagine H will bail on all my family stuff since he will feel guilty going when he wants a D....I would still like to go to his stuff b/c his family has become my family, I actually was friends and locker partners with his sister before we ever started dating in high school, I love my nieces on his side of the family as much as my own sis's kids...yet I don't want to go and play happy family if we aren't, I am SOOOO tired of pretending.
At one point I thought playing happy family was good. If we can build up a bunch of positive memories in H's memory bank of good times with us, then when he is gone and tries to make it all seem bad he will have to see the good. Now I feel like it is just cake-eating to the millionth degree...
Any advice for how to pick a path and stick to it??? I can't seem to do that..........One minute I am furious and want to scratch his eyes out, play hard-ball, let him FEEL the consequences of his choices.
The next I want to be very distant, detached, b/c he says he has no idea what it will be like without me, and I want him to know what it will be like.
The next I want to stay friends and have fun when I am around him so he can see the 'real' me, plus it is good for the kids for us to be friendly with each other.
