FLTC Morally I did the right thing and I took the garbage and deployed with a weak marriage just like you. With that said I feel whatis's post is pretty much on the money.
Divorce is like war. War is ugly. The loser dies and the winner has to ring the dirt out of his soul and needs parades at home to keep from feeling like a piece of S*&*(^ since the rules in our supercivil society directly conflicts with the necessary acts you either do or witness. At our level it's not good or bad it's just the way it is. In Divorce you have to do things and go stick your head in the toilet if you are not having a civil one. I belive tearing two joined as one back to two mentally is never civil and always very painful.
If you do not believe the money will go for the kids then do what it takes to win so you will spend the money on them. I know some of the money I send for child support went to building new additions from my X and her new hubby not all. Alimony for someone who is doing OK and dating a rich lawyer. Naaa fight that one. I regret giving my X a dime there.
Pensions are better than houses. Espicially Govt jobs. Plaster does not taste good I think and you are forced to work to keep the house. I prefer freedom. Alimony is good until a remarry and for a limited time. After that it goes away permenantly either due to time or remarriage as in my case so my X leaves my military pension alone.
I wish my X and her new husband many years of happy wedded bliss so she may not even try to go after my military pension. Principles and Moral Ground does not buy gas, diesel, or the peanut butter required to fuel the drive for my bicycle. I can thrive at this time on the Pacific Coast Trail but probably in 20 years I will not. I will need heat. Maybe the Everglades trail. Thus money is good mo is better.
Serving time and around court time is the craziest there is. Many things said and done will be looked at as from left field years later. I realize this bb is a venting area for you and probably in reality you are somewhat stoic and that is a good thing. Keep your head straight. This is the toughest time you will experience unless you go right into another relationship before figuring out what went wrong here.
Then you will find yourself back on this bb feeling twice as stupid. Trust me I know about feeling very stupid.
You will come out of this feeling like the muj just dropped 9 61mm rounds into your fighting hole but you will survive.
I prettymuch knew this was coming to you while you were in Iraq but I held off. At the time you needed to direct energy into directing your Soldiers to complete the mission at hand. You have a new mission and it's harder.
* Look back only for lessons learned * If a situation sucks try the congnitive redirect "I love how this sucks" (if you can) * Now fight like hell and lick your wounds later.
Compared to this living in the desert was easy. I do not envy you.
Best wishes
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
