Should You Be Their "Best Friend"?

[Dawn of Hope]

The other point I am unsure of is Is MLC / Infidelity really an illness,most times these people function on every other level just as normal even though they display signs of depression or eratic behaviour to their spouse. Not true depression in my book more like guilt showing through when they are confronted by the reality of their actions. I know this does not apply to all but in more cases than we are led to believe.

True in my case. My H is almost completely his usual "life of the party," caretaking, kind and thoughtful, good-listener self with everyone but me, as far as I can see (not that we spend a lot of time together, regardless of whether other people are around). To my knowledge, he hasn't lost friends, his job, his birth family's regard, etc. (most of those people don't know about this stuff that he's doing). I haven't had anyone come up to me and say in confidence, "What's wrong with H? He seems unhappy." I wonder how much of it is a mask and how much is just that he's unhappy being alone with me and relatively happy the rest of the time. Is MLC an illness? I have no idea, but the actions of those who are afflicted with it are eerily similar (i.e. the "script" of things that LBS's hear from their MLCers).

Again the "its takes two to break up a marriage", inferring both partners led to it's demise. Well maybe it does take 2 but that is usually when there are 3 people in that marriage.

This may be a partial solution to the conundrum I have been wrestling with for quite some time now: Some people say that it takes two to make a marriage work. Some people (maybe the same ones) say that it takes two to break a marriage. Can both of those be true? I have long wondered...how does it shake out if one is trying to make it work and the other isn't? I suppose you can figure out the answer by just looking around this board and seeing the variety of end results for people who have at one point been in that sitch. And those of us who are on this board came here because we believed (or at least hoped) that MWD was right, and one person's actions CAN save a flatlining M. But I tend to believe that it isn't quite that simple.

Any insight from the wise ones here?

Peace,
Dawn