Hey all, figured I'd move here after newcomers and seperated. Been seperated since June, W had OM about 1 month prior to our sep, She now lives with him and have had very minimal contact, since we have no kids together, tried a few texts here and there, with no response, all of a sudden she called me to ask to go to mediation, I said I would but it was a waste of time since we'll never agree on financial things, anyways she signed our divorce agreement 3 days ago so I'll be divorced in 2 weeks with no court appearnces, I did leave her a voicemail, first one in 4 months! telling her how I felt AGAIN!!! That she would regret not believing in me and that any man that would break up a family of 5 kids is only going to cause trust issues down the road.(we had kids from previous marriages, 2 my own, 3 hers) she actually gave up her kids to her ex to be with this new man, she cut off contact from my stepkids 2 weeks after she moved out, I still miss those damn kids soooo much and so do my bio kids, they knew each other for 5 years, we met when the oldest was 7, they grew up together and it breaks my heart:( I've finally realized my marriage is over but I have a few questions for everyone. I obviously still think about her sometimes,well to be honest she still is in my thoughts every day briefly, especially because my kids still talk about when we were a "family", For some stupid reason I know in my heart that she will regret what she has done and I'm still willing to forgive all thats happened, But at the same time I'm being rational now, instead of emotional for a change, my question is I've had a couple of intersting women approach me, but I don't really think I'm ready for that, except for one, she is confusing the hell out of me because I kind of have a good feeling about her but I don't think it's fair to her because of my lingering thoughts about XW, I've told her this and she seems ok with it, Am In being sucked into a rebound thing? I don't want to hurt her but she is persistent,she seems like such a good thing but doesn't it strike you as awkward that a woman would put up with this sitch???
Glad you made it to this side of the fence. Stay here and you'll find lots of support from many that have moved on, healed, and just are here to offer real good dam advice. I'm sorry about your D, and it's sad to hear about those kids.
My take is this: Since you are still thinking about your XW, I would not get into a new R right now. It's obvious as the air you're breathing that you need time to heal from this breakup. And having kids in the mix just makes it harder to cope with, doesn't it? You also don't want to cause any hurt to this new woman, however great she might seem.
Point is, and this is as plainly as I can put it:
* You need TIME - more TIME - to keep healing. * If you like this new woman, remain friends and GET TO KNOW HER. This also takes time. * You're in a transition right now, so falling for a woman at this stage will backfire and you're feelings/thoughts for your WX will only get in the way. (You need to be emotionally available to a new gal).
Now, the GOOD thing I see is that this new woman said that she is understanding of your current emotional/mental state about your X, so again the logical thing to do is remain friends and not get romantically involved at this time. If you guys can develop a solid friendship over time, and you can heal over time, then that's the best scenario. Move SLOW, especially when you feel you are ready to date, and you'll have a much healthier relationship.
I have told myself to not get serious with anyone, and I have some potential suitors of my own - one from my town that I really, really like but am too much of a chicken to ask her out (for the rest of you it's not out-of-state STD woman! - I'm convinced she's got a van-load of baggage!), but I do talk with the gal from my town and keep things short and sweet. I'll ask her out later if I feel the vibes are there but only when I know I am "ready" to truly date her.
Just take things nice and easy. You'll do fine.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
MY man sol!! Thank you for the advice, I realize it's hard when you have a beautiful woman chasin you, I'm soooo needin sex my man it's pathetic, BUT like you said I need time and I've made this crystal clear to her that I'm damaged goods at the moment, She hasn't met my kids, they have an inkling that I'm seein someone but they don't know for sure, I don't like hiding things from them, but I don't want to let them see me in that light, she seems really great, hasn't asked to meet my kids, says when I'm ready, is she just usin me because of my sitch???? I don't think so but who the hell wants to jump into a R with someone like me, unless they are out for sex, should I just let it go at that??? I'm tempted my man!!!!
As far as sex goes, the thought of nearly getting an std myself has boggled my mind! Not worth it for me!! I think of my daughter and my future, and to catch something that's for life is unthinkable and will cause any true future R with the "woman of my dreams" to become uncertain. I know what you are saying about the sex, I am in withdrawal too! But here's a tid bit of good info: did you know that sex is the most powerful of the human senses we have? That being said, you can channel that emotion into other areas of your life. I'm using that energy to focus on studying programming to improve my current job situation, focus on being a better dad, and a better gentleman when I date, and now I'm starting to get back into church life as well.
It may be that this woman just wants to have a "good time". But if that's the case, she wouldn't be a good candidate for a good R down the road IMO, it will just be a physical thing. I can relate to the temptation - oh man! But for me, I just decided to put all my energy in my daughter, my job, and in self-improvement so that i MAY be in a healthy long-term R down the road.
Just think about the road ahead. Also you really need to know this woman better - think of this: Is she the kind of woman that is going to care about you AND you're kids?
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
well sol it's been a few days, since my last post and apparently you have a crystal ball or something, this new chick is not someone that would care for me or my kids, she made this apparently clear this weekend. She started makin out with some stranger at the bar while we were there together, and then just said it was "all in fun" WTF!!!! well anyways we won't be needing to worry bout that sitch any longer, I think I'm starting to lose my faith in women, or at least I'm not attracting the right ones for some reason, I feel like such a clod getting sucked into that kind of sitch, but it goes back to what you said, My self esteem has kind of been on a rollercoaster, this just goes to show me that I need more time to become the person I used to be, Minus the bad of course,lol In a weird way this new calamity that happened took my mind off XW, it's been a few days and she hasn't entered my mind at all. Oh don't worry I'm not ready for this yet, but I am curious when the time is right, I live in a really small town, pop 700, what are some options for meeting someone? all my friends are married and their wives don't really have any single friends. any suggestions???
ok I had a weird day and had to vent somewhere, out of nowhere this morning when I woke up, I was mad, seething with a desire for revenge and feeling a hatred toward my ex that I haven't felt before, there wasn't any trigger that caused this, I just woke up for work and BAM it just hit me, I ran through scenarios half the day how to get back at her, WTF just happened to me? does this happen to anyone else? I thought I was getting over this sitch and moving on and out of nowhere this happens. what are your thoughts on this??
ok I had a weird day and had to vent somewhere, out of nowhere this morning when I woke up, I was mad, seething with a desire for revenge and feeling a hatred toward my ex that I haven't felt before, there wasn't any trigger that caused this, I just woke up for work and BAM it just hit me, I ran through scenarios half the day how to get back at her, WTF just happened to me? does this happen to anyone else? I thought I was getting over this sitch and moving on and out of nowhere this happens. what are your thoughts on this??
Yup. Been there. Done that. Once or twice a week.
Seriously though, I think/hope its normal. We are still processing this, all of this pain, even though we are learning to be happy and move on.
ok I had a weird day and had to vent somewhere, out of nowhere this morning when I woke up, I was mad, seething with a desire for revenge and feeling a hatred toward my ex that I haven't felt before, there wasn't any trigger that caused this, I just woke up for work and BAM it just hit me, I ran through scenarios half the day how to get back at her, WTF just happened to me? does this happen to anyone else? I thought I was getting over this sitch and moving on and out of nowhere this happens. what are your thoughts on this??
ted187,
This is all very normal......... I have had days without even considering the exW.... Then, BOOM......... I cannot get her out of my mind........ I feel the roller-coaster of emotion....
I feel sorry for her....
I am glad I do not have to put up with her sh!t anymore....
I hope to never see her again.....
I remember how much I loved her...
I feel intense pain....
Then, I feel another set of random emotions about her....
RMG
Last edited by RMG77739; 11/21/0802:33 AM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I wanted to give you my thoughts on the rebound women..... If you go back and look, I had my fair share of "rebound women"..... The thing is I dated them... Got to know them WITHOUT having sex with them....
I did not feel "trying out" a woman before M is the thing for a good Christian guy to do.... Plus, I felt I would be no better than my adulterous exW if I did that..... I also did not want to explain my "adventures" to my new W... I felt she deserved for me to wait for her..... It turns out, my new W was doing the same thing...
It does not mean I was not tempted...... Man, was I tempted several times..... I just kept thinking about saving myself for my new W..... It was well worth it....
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
