Tired of the fight and ready to hang it up.

[Little Engine]

k--I am still thinking about what you said and trying to figure out what I would think if I were a stranger and getting to know her for the first time. I have so much invested that it is hard to just put all that aside. You hypothetical is challenging/troubling me. Two things I know, I am slow to pick up on her cues and I am so egotistical. God bless you k. You've been a friend to James and now to me. You and Mike and Arthur have got me thinking.

[Tawnya]

{{{LE}}} Funny you really don't come across as egotistical on the boards..however, I do have to say that KNOWING these things about yourself is a HUGE step forward in the right direction..because these are things you can change

Hope your evening is a good one!

Tawnya

[Little Engine]

If you knew me in person Tawnya you would probably think I am a boorish a$$. Thanks for thinking otherwise, but it is a quality I would like to rid of myself. Going to DC tonight. My second time through.

[Tawnya]

Ahh...well I only know you on here and I think you are a smart, kind friendly person who cares about other people enough to check in on them..so there..maybe that's how you should see yourself TOO

Again tho..knowing the qualities you want to change is 75% of the battle my friend!

Tawnya

[Babygirl]

ugh LE dont make me stand out on the interstate and watch for whom i think you are and beat your for saying you are a borish A## and for not having a winter coat! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! your kids think you rock! ok trust me, if they think you rock and they do, you arent what you think you are!!

now my ladies who post to our dear LE. he lost his winter coat and doesnt have a new one, help me make him get one!!

hehehehe
love ya bud

[Little Engine]

I have a coat, I just dress in layers. I lost my shell jacket. I still have my fleece coat and a light pullover shell. My coat is good to like thirty below zero and it is too hot for days like today. My shell jacket did a better job of keeping the wind off of me!

[kelaaron]

LE-I'm glad you are thinking. I just want you to make the best choice for you no matter what the outcome in terms of your M. But you know what, sometimes you have to just take a step back from it too. Let yourself breathe and get out of the pain for a while.

As far as kids, which you know is what I have been on you about the most, for all of you, you have to remember your role and I will continue to say that until I really believe that you've got it. I do not doubt you love them.

Unfortunately, some decide that D is the best option. I can't tell you if it is or not. Hell, I can't even tell myself that. But I will support you whatever you decide in that respect.

[Arthur]

LE - We all have things we don't like about ourselves and it's good to recognise them. I was a bore during my marriage as I became just a person in a marriage and lost myself. Through DBing I've found myself again, I'm the person I was when I met my W, not that person I became from living with my W who I realise now, I did not like.

Take time out, breath, try and remember the things you loved as a kid, your dreams etc as they have just been put on hold for a while. Now time to live them and be the best dad and try and help your kids become the best people possible.

We are always learning, but I think we get trapped in situations sometimes and before we know it, that situation has engulfed us. This is a chance to get out of that, either through D, or by the changes you make to be a better you that will help you and your W have a better relationship and life together if she (and you for that matter) choose to.

Have a great weekend buddy, started mine last night and got another 2 days to go yet...oops

[Little Engine]

We are always learning, but I think we get trapped in situations sometimes and before we know it, that situation has engulfed us.

I know this happened to me as well. I was trapped in my own fog and it was because our M was unhealthy.

try and remember the things you loved as a kid, your dreams etc as they have just been put on hold for a while

I am beginning to think about this stuff and what I have always wanted that has been denied to me because of obligations of M. I lost myself because I was trying to meet everyone else's needs and not putting a high enough priority on sharing my dreams with W and kids. I want to build my own house, that is what I think about now and how can I do it in this downturning economy. Not an extravagant place, but a small space that I have crafted out of my two hands. That is all that I want. I think that is within my reach in a couple of years. So when I start to think that way, it all gets much easier. W just throws me off when she makes R talk and then retreats. She doesn't know what she wants, and I am not going to waste the time waiting for her to make up her mind. I am getting old too quickly to waste energy thinking about her needs first. This is my life and I want to live it on my terms.

As far as kids, which you know is what I have been on you about the most, for all of you, you have to remember your role and I will continue to say that until I really believe that you've got it. I do not doubt you love them.

I have been thinking about how do I balance what is best for them against what is best for me. Do I choose to stay in the city and close to work or move back to W's hometown so I can be the daily presence in my children's lives? I am leaning towards staying in the city because that is easiest on my and I can still go see them everyday if I want to. If I move to W's hometown, then I am obligated to and hour and twenty minutes on the road everyday and I can put that time to use on something better than looking out the windshield.

[Little Engine]

I am out in the field today working with a crew in the cold. Yuck. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Going to see my kids tonight and then sleep in tomorrow!