I am really tired tonight. Tired of crying, tired of hurting, tired of wondering. I think this must be normal and part of the path to detaching.
When this nightmare first began, I visited a different website on MLC and someone there told me "you must detach from your H, immediately!" like he was a vest wrapped around me secured by velcro that I could simply remove. Or at least that is how it sounded to me.
I am starting to discover that, at least for me, detachment is a slow process. Little by little I am getting so tired of worrying about H and what he thinks and feels and the effect that has on me that my body or my soul or some part of me is forcing my mind to start telling me, "maybe just stop thinking about it for a little bit, just for an hour."
I am also starting to understand the phrase "loving detachment." When I first heard it, I thought it was impossible, a total contradiction in terms. Now I think it is an oxymoron and totally possible. I love H every bit as much as the day I married him, I just need to stop thining about him and his issues to my own detriment.
That said, I am still a big old work in progress, so for those of you looking out for me, I will probably mess this up some and cry and feel lonely and really want more of the amazing support you all have been giving to me.
You people keep me from feeling alone in this fight. No one else gets it like you all. See, no sooner said than the water works start. Man I cry alot.
