If you do need specific details, etc. more than just general questions, I would suggest you do it in a counselor's office.
I will give you some perspective from the "other side". Bringing up the past is painful for the betrayer, but not just because of the guilt....For someone who who has had an affair, cutting ties with them and letting them go has to be all the way. Bringing them up in conversation and talking about them with you brings them up to the forefront of their mind again. They are trying to keep them out of their mind.
After telling some detail as minor as it is it will always be there from then on. For example, I ended up telling my H about the fact that the OM worked out. Now, every time we pass the workout place, or when I want to workout, or someone workouts on tv, or someone talks about a workout membership, etc,.....it's in the forefront once again not because they are thinking of the OP but because they are thinking how YOU are thinking about it, and you will be.
