Well, H had to cancel tonight again. He's been SWAMPED with work and can't wait to get out of this department after this project is over. So hopefully his work life will majorly de-stress as of 12/6 when he moves to another position at work. I'm not as bummed as I thought I'd be. I guess I'm used to it now. I can tell when we're going to be cancelled on because he doesn't make contact the whole morning. At least this time he called instead of emailing. So that's a step. D is going to be SOOOOO upset though since she was upset he didn't make it yesterday. I'm not looking forward to that pick up tonight.
D was a good mess last night. After we got home and settled down, her thoughts must've got to her because she kept asking why he does this and why he says he'll call and/or come over but doesn't. I normally don't tell D if he's goign to call or come over since he bails more often than not. I told her this time though since he told me to tell her he promised to pick her up yesterday. Then he promised that he'd call her last night by 8:30. He called after 9:30 and after I tm'd him for D. I picked up the phone and gave it to D. They spoke for about 5 min and then she said daddy wanted to talk to me. I said hi and he said that he just wanted to say hey really quick. He chatted for a few minutes and asked what was wrong. I told him its been a small hell here with D being upset. He told me "put your big girl pants on and deal with it". I was like "ME? I'm dealing with it. I didn't leave the responsibility I have." I know I shouldn't have said that, but I'm sooooo very tired of him thinking he can talk down to me when I'm holding up the fort! Then he went on to yell to me about how he's so sick of being told what to do, how work sucks for him so badly and how he's sorry he even did any of this. He's a mess and it's just ridiculous to me.
Face it dar, you've got more guts, heart, spine AND balls than that man is ever gonna have.
I think you did very well under the circumstances.
And HOW DARE HE tell YOU to put on your big girl pants?!
I'd have kicked him in the teeth right thru the phone.
You are absolutely correct - he has no right to talk down to you.
You ARE the one that's held down the fort while he's flitted around whining and acting like a pansy for months on end. You have a lot to proud of, in my opinion. Him? Not so much.
This has been very hard for you but you really have done well. You have a good support system here with your regulars, too.
FG this is tough, but if you want to mend the m, forget about questioning his behavior. Save that for mc. They don't want to hear what you have to say.
A simple your right h, I'll put the big girl pants on. I know sounds rdiculous, but it will go far in the long haul. See how I said long haul.
Your goal is that you want your h to see himself secure and wondering why he left the m to begin with. Don't let him remember why he left.
Hugs!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
AMYC!!!! Where have you been girl?! I've missed you! Thank you for the compliment too!
GG, I so know I shouldn't have said it. As soon as it came out of my mouth, but I couldn't help it. My jaw was already on the floor from the comment he made so the words just came out.
FG believe me I know. I remember so much just blurting things out because of anger or resentment.
For months and months I walked around biting my tongue, but I knew at the time I couldn't address anything with h without him feeling defensive and angry. So I just let all the comments go and tried so hard to agree with everything h said.
FG try it as an experiment. When your h says something just smile and agree with all that he says. Do this for a least a month and see if he doesn't act differently like opens up more seems to enjoy your company.
I did this, but I had to work it for months, but now look at my h.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
H called yesterday while I was on lunch....called w/o me calling him! He wanted to check to see if D's teacher/parent/student conference was last night. He said it was on his calendar but didn't write the time down. Hmmm. Anyway, he was insisting on coming over to see D before I got home from work and before we went out to dinner, but he was soooo sick I told him it's better if he went home and rested instead coming over and getting sicker. He finally agreed and said he'd be over tomorrow but would call last night. He didn't call and I WAS COMPLETELY FINE WITH THAT (major improvement for me!). He emailed me today (again before I made any contact) and apologized for not calling. Said he went home and slept the rest of the day and night. He's got the flu and is home sick today too. Now, let me backtrack a bit. When we were on the phone yesterday, I did ask him why he wanted to work on this marriage if he doesn't love me. He said "because obviously I still have feelings for you". So I guess that's his way of telling me he does still love me? I couldn't be happier and that's the little "push" I needed not to give up yet.
Yep, they do seem to get sick a lot. My H rarely got sick and now, he seems to come down with something many times but it is all the same.
When he cancels, he texts me and says he does not feel well and I just text back and say, okay, hope you feel better..........
Then I just let him be.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
