LD you go ahead and lock yourself up in the house. At least it will leave you lots of time to journal here. You can let the others know how that's working out for ya.
Sorry to be a smartass. I do feel what you are going through. You express yourself very well here.
Let me tell you about my husband though. He stood alone, with not one single person to talk to, without a board to help him understand me or even just to express himself on. He was 100% alone. He doesn't have a lot of strong male friendships. To this day, he has never discussed our marital problems with anyone - but he prayed.
Other than that he stood and fought - a helluva fight too - for 2 and a half years.
HE STOOD ALONE.
So don't you tell that you can't do this anymore. I know you want to quit at times. I know at times it feels this fight is futile. But if what I suspect about you is correct, your heart is not going to let you quit. Just like my husband's heart would not let him quit.
Take a breather. Lockdown for a night or two. Go to church.
Whatever it takes.
Don't let your feeling of vulnerability scare you off.
