I am trying to find a way to not let this dominate my thoughts. Very hard. No idea how you have been able to maintain it as long as you have - kudos!!
How did I do it for so long. It was a little easier for me in the beginning. I had no idea she was talking to OM. I believed that it was just my anger issue and some minor other things that irritated her that I needed to change. I read DB in August of 2007about 4 months after I started to change myself. I busted my a** for over a year. Trying to be consistent, trying to make myself better, trying to GAL Then in 4/08 I found the text between my W and OM. It went down hill for a while after that. She had been talking to him for over a year, met him for lunch and who knows what else. I was devastated, set me back, I found this BB and someone to smack me upside the head and get me back on track.
I perused her, I questioned her, I did some stupid stuff. And each time I would post my backslides on the board he would set me straight. Talk me through things and also tell me the positive signs he saw my W doing. Just like I see in your sitch. I had a notebook that I kept a journal to track my changes and the positive exchanges between her and me. I printed off a lot of posts from this site and read them over and over to remind me that I was not alone.
I still have my bad days but they are few and far in between. It does get easier as time goes on. Your emotions are still raw and the wound still fresh when you think about it. That is where detachment comes in and taking a 24hour cooling off period to settle your emotions.
The LBS that succeed here learn to ignore what their WAS are doing and saying. They go out and GAL. They learn to detach from their S and live life for themselves. Your R is going to ebb and flow a lot over the next year or so. It’s the way it is, deal with it. You need to be the steady person because she will be all over the place. Near you one second miles away the next.
I like you wear my emotions on my sleeve and my W reads me like a book. My W also keeps her emotions well hidden. I don’t envy your position but I do see a chance if you just settle down and do what I am telling you to do.
And if you are expecting to wait until she drops the OM to start being your friend then pack a lunch my friend it is not going to happen. You need to start now and work you’re a** off because it is the only way to do it. PD is right with his post about being the OM for the time being. You don’t have a choice but I, like him, see cracks in her other R already. Don’t get your hopes up but don’t keep making him look like the better choice either.
Pay attention to her. Look her in the eye when she is talking even if she looks away, you keep looking at her. She will come back to you and if your not there she will stop talking. Act interested in what she is saying. Again PD said to not solver her problems but listen and ask relative questions to assist her in finding the solution herself. You can do it. I have faith in you because I did it and I was just as FU as you are right now and I am a lot better today then I have ever been in my life.
