Six months later--the truth is out there

[BeingMe]

Hi Hmama! Yeah, I remember one other member, MotherMovingOn, also having problems with living in Indiana and these laws. She had to be very diplomatic with her H. Maybe you should check out her threads and see how she handled it. Might give you some hints.

Take care.

[hoosiermama]

Support? What support?! He's giving me no support. At the moment I have $11 in my checking account for the next 8 days.

A couple of weeks ago I had to ask him for some money. He was clear that I'd need to pay it back. I explained that D had grown (actually, she now has hips and nothing fits) so part of it was for new clothing. So then he decided I only needed to pay $200 back, and I got a lecture on email about how it's hard for him to give me money when he gets these outbursts of anger from me. (That was the whole funeral fiasco incident). I replied that it was unfortunate that he perceived my boundary-setting as anger, and I'm sure that he doesn't want to give the impression that his willingness to support his daughter is based upon his feelings about me. And then I sent the whole email convo to L. And I never did pay him back; if I had, I would not have been able to buy groceries or put gas in my car. There are no luxuries in our lives, believe me; I don't even buy pop any more. Last week I made the October mortgage payment, and I will consistently be 6 weeks behind and there's no way I can catch up because October is when he quit paying anything besides credit card payments. I am out of medication and can't pay for it until my next paycheck. Haven't paid the gas bill for 2 months, but they won't turn it off during winter months.

Court is less than a month away. I will be able to honestly report that we are not making it financially--or nutritionally--without support, and that he only gives it grudgingly when I ask, and not a dollar more than I specify. I am very very worried about January; I will not get paid during Christmas break because I don't have that much benefit time yet. I would like to find some kind of temp work during that time. And Christmas presents--not going to be happening this year. It will be okay--I will find some way to make something for her and give some coupons for special things like a manicure-by-mom, backrubs, etc. It isn't about how much you spend anyway.

So there's your answer. It's not good. But we will be okay.

[NNP1965]

and there is NOTHING your L can do about this???

[hoosiermama]

We cannot get into court before December 15. I believe he's building a case.

It's ironic; I work with kids who live below the poverty line. And now I understand how much it sucks to be hungry, to juggle bills so something doesn't get cut off. Fortunately my poverty is situational while theirs is generational; my neighborhood is safe, theirs not so much. Someday I will return to a middle class way of living--and they may never attain it.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hoozh,

For the life of me, I don't know why it is your L doesn't feel he can get you immediate, temporary alimony and child supoport NOW. I would at LEAST have him file to get on the docket for it; if they were to turn you down, at least it will be on record on your originally-scheduled court date next month that you were so desperate you had to seek this relief.

This is unconscionable. "Building a case" is NOT as important as "feeding your client's child"!!!!

Puppy

[hoosiermama]

Sorry--I had a few crises du jour happening here in the school nurse's office.

I have been in a real quandary about what to do here. I'm just really tired of grovelling to H about money. I shouldn't have to do it. I think he must believe that his covering the majority of the credit card/consumer debt and D's tuition is his contribution to support. And he's not going to "give" me any more without making me jump thru hoops--that's just where he is on his little narcissistic journey. It's going to have to come from his lawyer, or the judge. I'm also not sure my L knows just how bad it is--I think I've been too general in my conversations with him. Perhaps an email, with specifics, would be more helpful--documentation wise.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

e-mail your L what you and your daughter need each month -- JUST NECESSITIES -- and don't forget anything.

Then note your income.

Then note your husband's "contributions", and the dates.

The #s should speak for themselves. If he can't see it, get a new L who can.

Puppy

[SirPrizeMe]

I agree with Puppy - this is not something you need to wait on.
On the other hand, if your husband is behaving badly regarding money he is likely to get slapped by the court when you do get there.

[hoosiermama]

I agree with Puppy - this is not something you need to wait on.
On the other hand, if your husband is behaving badly regarding money he is likely to get slapped by the court when you do get there.

And I kinda think this is the plan. However, I just don't think I can hold out any longer.

[hoosiermama]

e-mail your L what you and your daughter need each month -- JUST NECESSITIES -- and don't forget anything.

Then note your income.

Then note your husband's "contributions", and the dates.

The #s should speak for themselves. If he can't see it, get a new L who can.

Puppy

Actually, L sat down with me and we calculated expenses--including things I wouldn't have thought of. So he has the numbers for reference. In fact, he has all the numbers, except of course H's "contributions."