I've been lurking on these boards for months - here's my current sitch.
Married H in June 2005 - we'd been together five years at that point. My second M, his third. I have four children (18,16,14,12) - he has none.
June 2007 - my younger sister had a series of 3 strokes. I spent the summer flying back and forth to help w/her care and rehab (she's not married). I was never gone from home for more than 5 days at a time. During this time, H became distant and kind of mean. I chalked it up to the sitch w/my sister, and his promotion at work.
9.26.07 - Tell him that something's going on, and I'll be checking the cell phone records. He confesses his (supposed) EA w/a woman he worked with before his promotion (he changed locations-they're not in the same building anymore). I asked him what he wanted to do, he said stay in the M. He agreed to NC, counseling etc.
10.26.07 - Found out A still going on - kick him out. We were still talking at this point - but I was doing all wrong things - crying, accusing, you all know the drill.
12.03.07 - He told me he's really ended the A and asked to come back home - I agreed.
12.07-03.08 - Joint MC and also IC for both of us. Found out on 3.28.08 A still going on and kicked him out (found his secret cell phone). Filed for divorce in April, refused all contact w/him - no phone, text, e-mail, etc. He did stay in contact w/my sons who are close to him.
7.28.08 - I'm in the hospital w/stroke like symptoms (Thank God was NOT a stroke). The doctor's office called him because he was still listed as my emergency contact. Very surprising to see him after four months of stonewalling him on my part. This health crisis of mine seemed to shake him up, and he begged me to postpone the divorce and give him one more chance.
Since then, we've been spending time together, just started joint MC last month. In most areas, things are going well, but his lack of transparency bothers me. He thinks he's being transparent because he gave me a key to his place, and his work e-mail password. When I asked about his personal e-mail, and to see his phone records, he accuses me of being controlling. I know the phone records are probably useless, because if he's calling her, it's probably on a throw away phone anyway. When he's around, he doesn't hide his phone, he just got a new model last week, and when I asked to look at it, he handed it over readily.
He really wants to start talking about a timeline for moving home, but I'm not comfortable with his continuing need to hide things. I think someone w/nothing to hide, hides nothing. I'd have no problem giving him my password, or my cell phone records. Our MC tell us that my request is reasonable, he says I'm treating him like a child.
I know from reading that some H in MLC have a real problem with "control". He's 38 (I'm 44), I don't know if that's the age range for MLC or not.
