Maybe I should be in piecing part 3?

[Hope4us]

I most definitely agree it's not a good time for us to NOT be together Pup, but I also think that it might be the only way she'll figure things out. I just feel like with us together in the house like it is, she has no way of feeling what she's possibly losing.

Maybe it's the last ditch effort at saving our marriage. And with S16 staying with her until the end of the school year, it's not like she's going to be able to be out running around when I'm not here. At least not without me knowing about it.

[whatdidido]

....When I read what you said I did a big suck of breath and said, "I'm not sure that's a good idea." You know what's best, but I am not sure not being together at this critical time of rebuilding is a good idea. If your son is ok about it then I would start moving. If not, then you both stay. I don't know.....

[Hope4us]

Thanks WDID, you and Pup have given me something to think about. I agree it's not a good idea for us to be separate 4 nights a week for 4 months at this critical point, but at the same time, maybe being separate is what she needs to figure things out.

I think when we talk this weekend about the move and when S16 will move I'll tell her I understand not moving S16 until the end of the school year but that it concerns me US being apart at this critical time. And we'll see what she says.

To be honest, it almost sounded to me like she wanted to stay until the end of the school year ONLY because she doesn't want to move and her comment about S16 moving in the middle of the school year was just an excuse so they could stay longer. So I'll have to carefully discuss it with her. Heck, maybe it would be better if S16 moved with me and I just said to her "why don't you stay and figure out what you want". Her being here by herself without S16 may be just the push she needs. I just feel like she's playing me and going to do everything she can to keep the family intact until S16 graduates from H.S. and then she'll make her planned exit. That seemed to be her plan earlier in the spring and really, I don't see how much has changed other than us getting along better. She sure hasn't moved back towards the marriage in ways that would indicate to me she wants ME. But there's always that WAS syndrome that they don't want it until it's gone. So maybe S16 and I should move without her and then she can make a decision.

I don't know. I'll have to play it by ear when we talk this weekend.

[whatdidido]

OK, ok, ok.....wait, wait, wait....back that bus wayyy up......

I'm not sure why you think she needs to figure anything out. She's with you, making love to you, vacationing with you, spending time with friends with you, talking about the future with you, giving you here thoughts and time,.......etc. etc.

Maybe she doesn't want to move....but, I don't think it has to do with not wanting to be with you. A move is stressful period. And, you are assuming she knows all the reasons why you want to move. I still think she doesn't.

You thinking she is going to leave you some day again is where this is coming from. This is because you guys haven't talked about some necessary things that would put you at ease. WHen is the ending time of "no relationship talk" that you put into affect?


What you guys have been through and rebuilding is going to take lots of time and patience and communication.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hmmmmmmmmm . . .

[InLikeFlynn]

First I would wait for her to bring this up!!! This is a vacation!!! As for S16 being forced to stay when he doesn't want to!!! No! He will throw a fit. If she plays the "well I guess I will follow yada yada yad crap" let her. You need her away from EFG and away from anything else that reminds her of the affair.

You want to go home....your son wants to go home....so go. She will hem and haw about having no choice etc. You need to get away from that place and also get her away. Once your there I would give it until summer, then she needs to be fully on board or out. But don't have that conversation while you here!!! Get her on your playing field. You going to know alot about where you two are here in the next few months. If shes just going thru the motions you will know soon.

[Hope4us]

OK, ok, ok.....wait, wait, wait....back that bus wayyy up......

I'm not sure why you think she needs to figure anything out. She's with you, making love to you, vacationing with you, spending time with friends with you, talking about the future with you, giving you here thoughts and time,.......etc. etc.

Maybe she doesn't want to move....but, I don't think it has to do with not wanting to be with you. A move is stressful period. And, you are assuming she knows all the reasons why you want to move. I still think she doesn't.

You thinking she is going to leave you some day again is where this is coming from. This is because you guys haven't talked about some necessary things that would put you at ease. WHen is the ending time of "no relationship talk" that you put into affect?


What you guys have been through and rebuilding is going to take lots of time and patience and communication.

Ok, first I have to say, she only ML to me while on vacation and one night the weekend when we got home. Since then she' been on the couch again. Some hugs and she'll kiss me if I make the move, but it's not like she's initiating any of it.

She needs to figure stuff out because to me, this is one thing that she could do to SHOW me where she's at. And it sounds like she's balking again.

But I hear what you're saying. I'll think about it. Maybe leave it for the car ride home after we've had a good weekend.

And my no R talk promise was "I won't bring this up again until you're ready to talk".

So that's where we are.

We're leaving in a few. I'll keep in mind what you guys have said and update you when we get back.

[Hope4us]

First I would wait for her to bring this up!!! This is a vacation!!! As for S16 being forced to stay when he doesn't want to!!! No! He will throw a fit. If she plays the "well I guess I will follow yada yada yad crap" let her. You need her away from EFG and away from anything else that reminds her of the affair.

You want to go home....your son wants to go home....so go. She will hem and haw about having no choice etc. You need to get away from that place and also get her away. Once your there I would give it until summer, then she needs to be fully on board or out. But don't have that conversation while you here!!! Get her on your playing field. You going to know alot about where you two are here in the next few months. If shes just going thru the motions you will know soon.

She wants to stay here with S16 UNTIL summer before moving. That's the central question. Do I say I understand her point of view, but S16 will be fine and we're moving in Jan and she can follow in Feb/Mar when her temp assignment is over? Then she doesn't think I listen to her because she thinks it's best to keep S16 here until the end of the school year.

It's a no win situation. But I agree that we'll know a lot in the next few months.