New Me - Will WAW ever notice?

[Kakatal]

I have to say i am confused as to what I am doing. I feel that OM needs to be out of picture before I am ready to even be friends with my w. Friends do not cheat, lie or betray each other. By taking time to acknowledge her I am believe that I would be giving her mixed signals. I want her to realize that there is no friendship, she doesn't get to share her life with me if she plans on ending our m over OM

You are still reacting like an angry person. You and I (and even your wife) know that you are hung up on her. Your "we can't be friends til OM is out of the picture" comes across more as pouting to get your way. I see two ways to do this. 1) Decide you don't want a cheater for a wife and firmly and definitely kick her to the curb. No coming in the house at all, just discuss the kids, don't even make an attempt to be friendly. 2) Get it into your head that you will be the OM for a bit. You'll be friendly (although not over the top), and someone she can talk to. But you won't act like you have a stake in the outcome. Get a "I can take her or leave her" attitude. If she goes, oh well, less headaches for you; if she stays, good, you'll work on making the marriage divorce proof with her. I just don't think you can have it both ways; that's why your wife seems confused about you and wonders what's on your mind, etc...because you look interested, but moody and pouting. Either option will look more attractive than something in the middle. Be all one thing or the other.

If you choose the "friends" route (I know, it's not much of a friendship), here's my thoughts. I know there is a lot at stake here (more than there was for me), but can't you try to make this somehow fun for you? It's a challenge...rise to it. Show her that she can't crush you. Joke with her. Smile at her. Don't let her see any sign of moodiness. Nothing she does or doesn't do has the ability to affect you any more. You are your own man and enjoying life. Have fun. Quit thinking so hard about this. You can't decide the outcome anyway. Be you. Be fun. Be confident. And if YOU aren't what she wants, then it's her loss. I just get this half friendly, half pouty vibe from you (disagree? Why prepare her coffee before she walks in=friendly, but then act disinterested afterwards=unfriendly).

See, this is why I post my thoughts here! Even a co-worker said this is probably the best thing I am doing for myself in dealing with this whole sitch. Thanks PD!

You are 100% right. I am acting like a hurt angry person. Part of that wonderful behavior of getting back at your for hurting me is still controlling me. Half-pouty half-friendly. If I am confused, you are dead on that w has no clue how to deal with me.

I re-read my posts from when she returned from AK 2nd time & was feeling good about myself for just treating her the way I wanted to with no expectations, doing the right thing & feeling happy myself for being that way. Just put the hurt aside & be me.

Challenge is to temper the expectations - forget about the D entirely is probably the best mindset I can have. Been trying past couple days to just accept that D is going to happen but it isn't working - heartache is not as bad but still there - no getting much sleep either. Need to drop that act.

Thanks for helping clarifying things for me - I needed it!