How much should we know about OP?

[gsr1]

I haven't posted in a while things are tettering, thinking of distancing myself from H just to keep myself sane.
I'm still stuggling with thoughts of this "person", how much do we need to know about what they did for our spouses? I read that it'll help in putting our M back together. That way we can fill that need for them . Do I really need to know how she made him feel? Anyway so many questions? I just want to see if she was really worth all this pain I'm going through. I want to see for myself who she is. H said bad idea, he doesn't want me to have this visual images ingrained in my brain, he believes that would be the final straw for us. I said was she really that great? Would seeing her kill our marriage? H said no of course not but I don't know maybe it would?

So where do I go from here, trying hard to piece our marriage back together but his omissions still continue, if I don't ask the right questions he won't be forthcoming with anything I would need to know. So how can I commit to a marriage when H keeping things from me still, and each time something new comes out he says it the last thing that was left to tell. Why should I be vulnerable to him, with him not being able to be open and honest with me?

Other than this he has been trying to be there for me trying to be loving and being the father and husband he's never been before. Right now he really needs me for support and I want to be there to assure him but finding it hard to do with all this looming over my head. He said he doesn't want to waste time talking about A it's over and it'll never happen again that he is committed, I don't really know if I can believe that, having trust issues of course? Any advice anyone?