Please send me good karma!!....I'm gonna need it!

[Silent Chrleader]

I am nervous about today's MC session. I would like H to step up an lead so I can listen, but he rarely does that, and the C won't "lead", so that leaves it to me. I've been thinking aboout what I want to say when/if it comes to that. I absolutely don't want to "interrogate" him and have him clam up and run, but there are some things I need to see from him. Such as:

1. What does he want from a relationship? [This doesn't have to mean now. It just means what he would like from a relationship eventually.]
2. What does he have to give to a relationship? [What would he like his role to be in a relationship?]
3. What specifically does he believe he did to contribute to the breakdown of our marriage. [This is NOT for blaming, but simply to look honestly, so we can both learn from this and not make the same mistakes again in our next relationship, whether that is with each other or not.]
4. Why does he feel such a strong need to "get drunk" several times a week?
5. Why does he think he is only happy at work?
6. Why does he think the affair happened?

These are big issues and, of course, will not be worked out in just a few sessions, but these are things he has to face and answer if we are ever going to be able to build a new R. I don't want to push too much too soon, but neither am I willing to just keep treading water in our R, and walking on eggshells for the next several months. I'm afraid that then H would just stay in his shell, and then say "I gave it the college try." and be on his merry way, and neither he nor I will have learned what we needed to learn from this!

If nothing else, I am determined to at least have the respect of his honesty in this, as much as I can! I don't want to be his therapist! But, if I have to be the one ask the tough questions when in C, I will! Out of C, I will endeavor to be upbeat, confident, and no R talk, unless he instigates.

I also made plans (got tickets) for going to a Celtic Yultide music concert with my daughter, and to see Bill Engval live with my son in December. I had asked H if he was interested in that, but he wasn't so I wasn't going to go, but then I thought "WTF?" "Why not!!!"

Another sensitive issue I see on the horizon is the re-fi of the house in Chelan. He had promised me before that he would sell the house were to divorce (our dream house which I took loans on my retirement for and pushed for "him to have his dream"). Well, that was apparently a lie and he had waffled on his promise later saying he "didn't know if would sell it". This is a very emotional topic to me. He can't qualify for re-fi without my income. I don't think I am willing to sign any re-fi papers unless I get something in writing from H, that we will definitely sell the property if we divorce. I'm not looking forward to that conversation. Maybe I'll broach that one today in MC, so I have a "mediator".