New Me - Will WAW ever notice?

[Kakatal]

Bit of encouraging news for w - I had IC a week ago & picked up a business card of my therapist's partner - w had asked me to. I put the card on the fridge door, pointed it out last Thursday & just dropped the issue. Last night I noticed the card was gone & not in trash.

W went out with her cousin last night - was dressed up nicely. I complimented her saying I thought she looked very nice. She said thanks with a smile.

This morning, usual routine. Made coffee for myself & poured a cup for w, sugar & milk. W comes in, says hi & looks to be in a good mood. Gets her camera out of her purse while I am getting my stuff ready to leave. I call D9 to come so we can leave. W mood changes - puts away camera & appears to withdraw, like she is hurt. Go to give kiss to D2 - get my usual game of no kisses for dad. I just smile at w, say cya tonight & leave. Have to go back inside to get lunch money for D9 & w is sitting on couch very sad looking. I just say I had to grab some money for D9 & hope you have a good day.

Driving to work I replayed this in my head & felt bad that I somehow saw that w wanted to share something with me and I just came across to her as if I wanted to be out of her presence as quick as possible - reinforcing that I am done with her.

Talked about this with psychologist at work who reminded me that most of the past interactions with w during m were passive-aggressive. Now that I am aware that isn't how I want to be - I want to be open about my feelings, it is also my expectation that others will treat me the same fashion. W hasn't changed - acting like a disappointed child that didn't get her way instead of just speaking up & saying that she had something she wanted to share, but maybe later when I have time.

One fault is taking blame or feeling responsible for w's moods. Well I am not so quit doing this to myself. Just contributes to the negative thoughts & I need to just stop the self-abuse.