It's official.......what now?

[mishka422]

Thanks for bringing me back to reality guys. I was pretty much there already this morning when I got up but your posts have solidified that.

ASK HIM ! You dont need to 'DB' him anymore. You are now D and have nothing to lose.

I did ask him a few months ago. He couldn't give me any kind of an answer. I decided that it was pointless to ask again.

I don't think I'll ever have his answers, but I have mine.

Why wasn't I good enough? - I was not bad, but I wasn't great either. I did neglect him due to all of my other responsibilities. Since I was the romantic one who always planned our outings, made sure that we did fun things together, and generally maintained our R, when I didn't have the time to do that he wasn't willing or able to pick up that rope.

Why couldn't he just talk to me about how he was feeling? - Gabe has no communication skills and is a classic avoider. Anything uncomfortable for him at all is automatically avoided like the plague. a la Monty Python - Run away! Run away!
What could I have done differently? - I could have done so many things differently but was too preoccupied with daily life to see what was in front of me. No point in rehashing what can't be fixed now.
Why won't he tell me what I did wrong so I will never make the same mistakes? He doesn't need to tell me. He doesn't care anymore, I need to not care too. I need to let go of this and just hope that some day in the future I can put into practice what I've learned through this experience.

What is the point in any of this? - I believe this is God's correction to what never should have been. I look at our courtship and realize all the ways that I went against the way I was raised, my lack of seeking guidance for the direction I was taking in my life. I wanted what I wanted and that was that. NOT how you're supposed to make life decisions.

What the hell is wrong with me? - Oh.....that's a loaded question isn't it? Too many things to list! I know my own issues. I own my issues. I'm working to improve what I can and looking for solutions to those that are out of my immediate control. We have to work with what God gave us and he saw fit to give me the left overs in some departments!

Mish, if you read all the stories here you will get the same data.

It has always amazed me that so many of our stories sound identical. It just goes to show you what we should all learn BEFORE we get married. We all need to learn how to really treasure our spouses before they are our spouses. There needs to be more counseling prior to M. There should be something mandatory and there should also be extreme penalties for divorce based on the fault of the parties involved. JMO of course! I actually don't live in a no-fault state so I could have dragged Gabe through court and they most likely would have weighted the settlement much more in my favor because of his adultery. There was just no point in doing that. Spend more money on my L for what? A few measly dollars and a lot of ill will?

bottom line..they quit..they were too damn cowardess to work..to try and figure out why they were unhappy..

Too true. I don't believe in quitting. Not ever. That is the thing that really sticks in my craw!

I wouldnt be surprised if she is already casting her net around for the next guy.. maybe not yet, but in time. Dont you think?

I get the feeling based on some things Gabe said that he is probably already getting tired of her. I get the sense that he is ashamed of her in some way. It's probably just me reading into what he isn't saying, but when he asked me yesterday about the day after Thanksgiving he used her name, kind of, but stumbled over it. He never says her name or her son's name to me. If he thinks it's sparing my feelings to not say it then whatever. There's no pussyfooting around it, name or no name!

Nothing- you are lovely, generous, kind, warm-spirited, funny, hard-working, committed.

You are just so sweet Lisa! You make a girl feel all warm and fuzzy. Thank you so much!

I am just hating this up and down crud! I'm working so many hours that I can barely see straight! I do get to go to my group this evening (the subject is "surviving the holidays after divorce") and hopefully to the singles bible study tomorrow night. I work all weekend and next Friday night so no bible study next week. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving day! I'll be cooking all darned day but at least I won't have to work!!!!!!!!!!!!!