Yes it does. Now you know that she knows that you know what your problems are so no more discussions on them. Knowing is half the battle the other half is doing. Your done with the first now do the second. Actions not words from here on out.
Tim
Will Do! Just was making a point that I was showing her that I am aware of my behavior now instead of being clueless about it.
What is your take on the whole daycare issue?
I was trying to write something but I just can't get it to sound right about a paten that seems to happen here on the boards. Once I do you will understand my response to this question.
I feel that you are not enabling her or being taken advantage of by allowing her to watch the kids at your house. Now that depends on the liability and insurance issue of course. That is very important to this decision. But I say let her do it.
Here is what I see as the positives. You know that your kids will be well taken care of during the day. You will not have to cart them off to daycare everyday. If they are sick you do not need to stay home from work. If you need to work late you do not need to find someone to pick them up. Your W will have all day and them and you will have all night. You will be able to show off your changes and best side each and every day.
Either way your W needs to get a job and make money, why not make it easy on yourself and her. Let her deal with the issues she had before with being a daycare provider it’s no longer your concern, right.
You have to coexist with the woman for the rest of your life. Think about that. You can be bitter and resentful and let it slowly eat you alive or you can be the bigger person and be civil and understanding to her.
Yes, it sucks big time but what will really get her and this will not happen for a while is that when you do find that inner peace and strength and the ability to make yourself happy she will be the same unhappy person she was before. She has not changed or grown, she has only switched dancing partners and he can no more make her happy than you can. Fantasy remember.
Let her cake eat at the moment. It won’t last. Your posts and how you describe your interactions and her responses leads me to believe she is already starting to question her choices. I think after she got back from AK last time she was starting to see the reality of it sink in. That much time away from your kids and that much distance between family is tough. I know there is no way I could live that long without my kids, how about you?
Unfortunately for you your hopes got up and then you crashed and backslide. You did not stay consistent. Consistency is the most important part of all this. When you waver it confuses her and makes her believe your changes are not permanent and if she opens her heart to you she will be hurt again. Nobody wants to go through that again.
You have been here three month now. That is not enough time to change yourself and become consistent with those changes. You have proven that over the last week. You have a ways to go and she has a ways to go to learn how to trust you again. Get back to what was working, get rid of expectations, stop worrying about the impending D and stop worrying about what she does outside of your kids. She will continue to test you and if you keep reverting back to your old ways her fears will be confirmed.
Whether you get a D or not does not matter at this moment. You and all the other LBS are wasting way too much energy on the what if's in your life you cannot control. You’re not giving your W money, your not paying for her plane tickets or anything else for that matter so you’re not supporting her choices. You think this is all fun and games for her but its not. She is torn up inside but she is a lot better at hiding her emotions than you are.
I’m going to repeat this one more time. Your need to learn Patience and Consistency and you need to Detach yourself from her, you need to find how to make yourself happy and finally you need to give it Time. Three months is a sprint, one year or more is a marathon. Either your in it for the long haul or your not. There is no in between. Its going to be difficult, your going to get hurt but in the end you will be the best possible person you can be whether its with your W, alone or with someone else.
Take time and think about what you want and what the best way to get it is. Whether you want your W back or not you still need to co parent with her and its much easier if you are nice to her than if your not. Its also easier on the kids.
