Hi all. W was pretty quiet last night. She'd talk to me when I asked her something, but she obviously wasn't in a talkative mood. I know she was tired. She fell a sleep at 7:30 (I took a nap too!).
At 9:00 we watched Private Practice. Don't know if anyone watched it, but there was a guy that was married to two women, had them both pregnant and the Dr's found out about it. The one woman Dr. outed the guy and at one point said to him "cheating destroys lives"! I snuck a peek at W out of the corner of my eye and she was sitting there with her hand up to her face and playing with her hair with her other hand.
That's what she does when she's feeling bad or guilty etc. Man, somehow I just feel like the big guy upstairs had a hand in that show, or at least had a hand in W and I waking up in time to watch the show.
I went to bed and got a nice goodnight from her and this morning she's been ok, but I found her quietness interesting last night.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I know you say she is stubborn, etc., but I don't think she doesn't have a conscience. She is definitely thinking through what she has done. I think you know that, for me, even though I felt bad right away, it took getting closer to my H before I realllly starting feeling what I had done. Don't underestimate her guilt and remorse. Actually, she could be ahead of me in that she is working on forgiving herself so she can move on with you. Think of it that way.
We just had a nice IM conversation. There's just something fishy going on with the way my boss is being with this move, etc. The supervisor who works for me told me he heard a couple months ago that I was moving. How would he hear that if there wasn't something shady going on.
Don't get me wrong, I want to move back to the home office, but the way it's happening is just a little weird.
But anyway, I've tried a couple times to end the IM conversation with W and she keeps chatting more.
I hear what you're saying WDID. I thought that show last night was perfect. I mean, the lady Dr. said "CHEATING DESTROYS LIVES". How perfect of timing was that?
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Try not to read into it (your job). Our minds get us going more than real actual events. It'll drive you crazy.
Just focus on you, your wife, and your family. Keep IMing your W. She likes it. Make sure to throw in how you miss her right now, or can't wait to hug her, etc. Those are the best IMs.
She would see right through it if I would send her an IM saying I miss her or can't wait to hug her. But I'll try to slip something in when I IM her in a few to see how much money she thinks we need for the weekend.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
And I just looked at the cell web site. Right after I left Tuesday night after telling W about the move she TM'd the EGF, the new friend and her old boss. Old boss called her back later that night. I heard part of their conversation of him saying she could come to his work location to work for him and W said no, that he would probably get transferred soon after she got there and he said "probably right".
So I'm guessing she was bit*hin to the 3 people she talks to that she doesn't want to move and I would imagine saying to EGF and the new friend some nice things about me, NOT.
Boy, this is shaping up to be a fun weekend.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Ok, step back a moment and let's not jump to conclusions. So she spoke with her old boss and he offered her her old job back. That doesn't "sound" like a negative. Then she responded that he would probably just get transferred as soon as she got there. This means she is thinking about all of this.
Now since we don't really know what was said between "new friend" and W, we can guess that she was talking about the move and how maybe she is a sad about it. Kind of neutral.
With EGF, you may have it pegged. But really why keep getting worked up when you have a fabulous weekend planned and you are going to have it ruined before it gets started. Keep showing the strong you, that this needs to be done for the good of the "family" but also for your peace of mind.
We are here for you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thank You so much Kat. I went to lunch and thought about it and have calmed down. I'm just so FREAKIN frustrated that she won't talk to me and it helps to come here and vent and then my friends here can set me straight and help me see the positives.
I agree about the old boss. He routinely tells W she should come to MN where he works and he'd find a job for her. They worked really well together, plus he's a hound and W loves that attention (ok, kind of scares me).
New friend, you could be right. She called W last night and I don't know what she asked, but I heard W say "it's quiet". So I would assume M asked her how it was at home last night. But the rest of the conversation was W listening and asking M some questions about how it was going to be when she got home etc. I know M and her H have had some problems so maybe W and M are talking about their mutual bast*ard H's?
I'm sure I have it pegged with EGF. I'm SURE. I would bet my retirement that EGF is telling W she doesn't have to move and she should stay here etc. EGF is so wrapped up in herself and tries to play it off as concerned about W when that's just bullchit. So this move will be GREAT in that it will get W away from EGF's destructive influence.
You're right, we do have a fun weekend ahead. And I know W will be different by tomorrow morning. It's the same every weekend. Away from work she's a different person.
And I think I'm going to tell W I agree with her that she and S16 should stay until the school year is complete. This will accomplish two things. First, it will let W see that I am willing to listen to her opinion. I don't think it would be an issue for S16 to change schools mid year, but W claims that she thinks it would be best if he completed the year here. Probably just her way of delaying moving herself, but in a way I think it will be good. Kind of like a separation where she can see what it's like without me around. Could be good or could be bad, but I think it'll be good. She can see what she's missing but I'll still come home on weekends etc.
And if she likes me not being around, then at least we'll be done with this limbo and I can move on with my life.
Thanks again Kat. You're a keeper.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
And I think I'm going to tell W I agree with her that she and S16 should stay until the school year is complete. This will accomplish two things. First, it will let W see that I am willing to listen to her opinion. I don't think it would be an issue for S16 to change schools mid year, but W claims that she thinks it would be best if he completed the year here. Probably just her way of delaying moving herself, but in a way I think it will be good. Kind of like a separation where she can see what it's like without me around. Could be good or could be bad, but I think it'll be good. She can see what she's missing but I'll still come home on weekends etc.
I like this approach. It's a little risky, but I like it as i think the good (showing that you're listening, and flexible) outweighs the bad (you guys not being together at a critical time in your marriage).
