Yeah, as soon as he said, "I just want ONE person to listen to me", my first thought was OW. I am sure she sat at the bar for hours and just 'listened' to him, agreed with him when he bitched about me, his family, etc. etc.
I am just about as crumbled up as it gets and yet I can't bring myself to just kick his ass out. What is wrong with me? I am so pissed to think my options are:
*Having my kids (esp Nathan (6)) remember that Daddy left right at Christmas
*Trying to act as if in front of the kids through another holiday season, like last year.
Wanna puke but today is my formal observation so I gotta go get prepared for work.
Last year on the 17th my H moved out. 2days before that he told me "he was done trying, couldnt do it". He said he wanted to stay with us until after Christmas so "for the kids". That was on a Thursday night while I was in bed with high fever. I had to make a choice. My choice was to ask him to move out IMMEDIATELY, because the way I felt things were, we would have had terrible holidays anyway.
He did and at some point even tried to say I forced him out and didnt care about the kids as much, that I didnt have the proper patience. I havent regretted doing it. Looking back, the holidays was a crash test and I was quite relieved I had it behind me, holidays are my favourite season and it felt really bad to be by myself with the kids. Once that was over I felt I would get through anything.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is it doesnt matter what time of the year it is. It will still feel bad, for you and the kids. Maybe it will do him good to see how being a "homeless" father during holidays feels.
Ohh, and my H's "friend" was a good listener too...
Stay strong. Dan is not worth of your love for him. K
What does that mean, put the kids first? Live together until Christmas (if H even wants to do that)?
I just don't know how to look at him every night across the dinner table and know that he does not want me anymore, that he is miserable living with me.........
What does that mean, put the kids first? Live together until Christmas (if H even wants to do that)?
I just don't know how to look at him every night across the dinner table and know that he does not want me anymore, that he is miserable living with me.........
I just don't know
ya know what Kim told me one time..Kim told me "she kept waiting for the right time to let me know it was over" and she discovered there was "no right time" because there was always a B-day, a holiday or some other event..
so BBJ the only right time for you will be when you decide the "time is right" Holidays or not...
Quote:
I just don't know how to look at him every night across the dinner table and know that he does not want me anymore,
and this..write this off and don't think like that..it's pretty clear that Dan has AOMR..he is clearly in a fog and does not know which way is up....
Thank you all for the posts. Lan, pleased to see you make an appearance, I know you from K's thread.
I am just trying to sort out the 'mom' in me from the 'wife' in me.
Mom wants to try and keep this boat together through the holidays b/c the kids will have plenty more Christmases in 2 places so she wants to give them one more together....
Wife wants to get H as far away as quickly as possible b/c nothing good is coming from being together. Space will help her work on detaching and also help H discover as he already knows, that W is not the root of his problems...
I will think about it Woog. Right now I have a lot to think about and it is hard to make decisions on your own that involve someone else (H)....for example I could say let's stay in the same house till Christmas, he could say I don't want to. Or vice versa I could say get out he could say not yet...
And for all the talk he has made no plans I have talked to him once this morning and he said he would "start looking for a place to stay" like he hadn't been looking. I said do you have an idea how you want it to be until the holidays are over he said he hadn't even begun to think about any of that.
So I guess he has focused on, "I am not happy I am miserable here" without moving on to planning what to do besides complain and agonize....
I am wondering if I should give him from now to Jan 1 to find a house/apartment, and we will not tell the kids till after Christmas, but he will have this time to get the preparations made for moving.
Or if I just say, "You need to go ASAP, you chose that you did not want to be here."
