Healing my Heart 5

[fightingirish]

I don't know guys, I think I may have to do something drastic to get my H's attention that I am not happy with anything that has been going on.

I was so incredibly sick yesterday, I ended up sending my little helper home early, because I just couldn't deal with anything. I fed the kids and headed upstairs to rest, The kids were playing computer games downstairs and just told S6 that I would be upstairs resting if he needed me and to watch out for S2. He said ok. So H shows up after work, never comes upstairs to see me. this went on for about 1 hour. I finally came down to get some dry toast, and I could barley walk because of my stomach, he says oh how are you doing mommy? (that's whay he calls me) I said if you would have asked me before I could have told you. Then nothing, not "do you need anything" "can I do anything for the kids" NOTHING. I was so f'in pissed I just went back upstairs.

Meanwhile, I hear the kids start yelling at eachother, and of course H can handle the way he should, I took it for about 15 minutes and broke it up. It was late anyway and they needed to go to bed. I asked H to getS2 a bottle and he says "I have that big meeting tomorrow, I don't have time".. He did do it because he knows that I would have really throw a fit. It takes a half a minute to do this.

I took the kids upstairs but S2 to sleep, and S6 went to bed fairly early. H never came to bed. I think he worked downstairs last night and fell asleep on the couch.

Totally ignored me all night.

This moring he calls... I didn't answer my cell, then he calls the house 3 x's so then I was wondering if it was work related why he was calling me, so I had to answer. He says:

H: what's going on.
me: Nothing, I took S6 down to the bus and Im just sitting here for a minute.
h: what time does the bus actually come?
me: 8:37
h: Oh, ok.
me: I was in the bathroom.
h: So what's going on.
me: what do you mean?, am I still sick?
h: yes.
me: what do you think?
h: that sucks.
me: yup.

Then there was silence.

H: well I guess I'll let you go.
me: ok, bye

That was the extent of our conversation.

Im sitting here in tears wondering what the he$$ am I going to do when I get old and sick and I CAN"T do this for myself.. this man is totally self absorbed. He doesn't have one sensativity bone in his body, at least for me he doesn't.

I think after the holidays, im going to see if I can put S3 in preschool longer and start looking for a part-time job at least. Or just get my resume out there. I don't see things getting better for me, I'm depressed all the time and He is just so unnappreciative of anything I do,I just can't take him being so calous all the time. he may love me, but its all sexual like ive said before. He doesn't care for me and my well being, so help me out once in awhile, but Im expected to help him.